Then I realized there were some other topics broached during the year to date that deserved follow-up, so here's a run-down on the works.
BEARD
So yes, about the beard. Well, if this winter feels like it's been as long for you as it does for me, you might imagine that my beard has become like that of the legendary Charlemagne, whose beard was not only silvery and long but was said to have continued to grow after his death until it filled the sarcophagus and eked through the joins.
But I stand before you today barefaced. With an explanation.
Shortly after I began the Facial Fungus Project, my wife announced we had been invited over to friends' for dinner a couple of weeks hence. I had to promise that if I still looked like a grubby prospector at that time that I would remove the growth to preserve a neat appearance. And alas, I looked worse than Humphrey Bogart in the last reel of The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, and thus the beard had to go. My spirit broken, I have not returned to the project since.
DOG
Friends have been asking me how we've coped in the last month since we lost junior varsity dog Nipper. And indeed we are still sad. But people have also been asking how senior varsity dog Tralfaz is getting on without his little buddy, and that's more complicated.
Fazzy was never really close to Nipper; Nipper always wanted to jump and play, and Fazzy is more your laid-back observer-of-the-scene type. So they never really bonded the way we had hoped.
The strange thing is that I expected we'd fall into our old pre-Nipper patterns from four and a half years ago, but for a big guy like the Fazz, that's half a lifetime. New patterns were set. Tralfaz was perfectly happy to let Nipper take the lead on playtime, snacktime, and general attention-demanding time. I wouldn't ever call him a sidekick -- he's way too independent -- but he liked having the little guy take the initiative. So he's been a bit confused as to how to act. Consequently, when he does want something, it's all whine, all the time. Drives us nuts.
But he's still a sweetheart, and we love him. We're all just a little confused.
DIET
I would like to say my attempt to cut down on unhealthy food is going along fine, but you see, I suffer from hand, food, and mouth disease. My hand shoves food in my mouth, and my mouth eats it.
If I weren't wearing sweats all the time here in New York, Lockdown Land USA, I would have a better grip on my progress. Sweats are too forgiving. They tell you everything is fine; have the cheesecake. Khakis and jeans are less so. Work denim has little mercy. Dress pants will give you one warning, then the pants will rip on the day of your presentation.
I think I've made progress, but as I reported a few days back, since the loss of Nipper my Fitbit thinks I died. Nips always wanted walks, but Fazzy is less interested. So the exercise level is down.
There are my excuses explanations. What's new with you?
2 comments:
You're always at sea after losing a pet so integral to your daily routine. Raven's been gone a year and a half, and I miss her as much (if not more) as ever.
Beards - mine always came in patchy even in my thirties. Now with all the gray I look like Foster Brooks after running his face into a fan.
Laughing out loud at the idea of Foster Brooks running his face into a fan. I have no doubt he would have done it as part of his shtick. But I wouldn't recommend it for your sartorial preparations.
Sorry about Raven -- I wish Cashew had worked out, but I know no two dogs are ever the same anyway. My brother-in-law still misses his dog, gone a decade now. That dog was his pal, followed him everywhere.
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