Pistachio line-up.

Pistachios used to be a rarity, at least when I was a tot. You could see them in bins by the deli counter, dyed red, sold by weight. They were delicious, and the dye turned your fingers and tongue red. But they were imported, pricey, and if your mom (meaning my mom) wanted to get a fancy nutty snack, she'd just get Planters Cocktail Peanuts instead. They were always popular, too. 

Since then pistachios have become a domestic crop, and quite the thing. The red dye, once used to hide stains and make the nut more appealing, is gone, letting the natural green of the roasted pistachio shine through. National campaigns for the pistachio have risen the nut's profile and sales. In 2018, pistachios were the third most profitable crop California's highly agricultural Kern County, with sales of more than $1 billion. They dropped a peg to #4 in 2019, but that's still pretty amazing for a nut that used to have to dye itself red to get attention. 

We usually keep some around if the need for a salty snack hits; nuts are high in protein, and thus more satisfying than chips or pretzels. However, a sack of pistachios in the shell can be a challenge. Some of these nuts are friendly and easy; others seem to want to do everything the hard way. Here are some pistachios with whom I have become acquainted. 

Charlie's always got a lot to say,
but watch out -- not everything he says
is on the level.

Always with the snappy patter, this
creep. Acts like a hard case, but you can 
get him the open up with a little patience.

She's usually in the bag, and really easy,
but remember your duty.

You won't get anything out of him
unless you use the third degree. But this
nut will crack if you put on enough
pressure.

Sure, he's a kid, but that don't mean he's
innocent. See if some kindness will draw him
out of his shell. If not, tell him about
pistachio butter.

Not worth your time. This guy's got
nothing but a big mouth and an empty
head. Toss him out on the street.

If you see any of these pistachios on the loose (well, except for Nestor), feel free to capture them and eat them. Or you can send them here to HQ, where we will interrogate them, probably with a refreshing glass of iced tea or seltzer.

Of course, if you happen to see any pistachios that have been turned into gelato...

Do not attempt to apprehend. Report it to me and I shall be there swiftly with my spoon.