Friends, I would like to talk to you about a disturbing trend that has come up recently. I am, of course, referring to the popularity of the video that has been making the rounds on your Internet. The one of the rat carrying off a slice of pizza.
Those of you with sensitive stomachs may want to look away:
Isn't that revolting? And yet this has been seen by millions of people. Counting you just now, millions + 1!
People seem to think it is cute. It is not cute. Rats are just squirrels with skinny tails and worse habits. Do not be fooled!
Friends, rather than watching this unhygienic spectacle of a rat stealing cheese, why not keep your cheese safe by giving it to your dog? It doesn't have to be on a pizza, although that might be okay, especially with bacon. Your doggie will be so happy, and he will only eat as much as you give him. He will not drag a whole pizza to some hidey hole and share it with cockroaches. He will eat it all. Because your cheerful little chum loves cheese.
Some people will say that cheese is bad for dogs, especially in large amounts. Some people say it is even dangerous. We dogs say: Shut up! How would you know what is good for dogs? You are not dogs. You do not understand us! Go stick cheese in your ear, Mr. Busybody! Cheese is good!
Cheese, in fact, builds better pup bodies 8 ways. There's calcium, and protein, and... And some more. I forget. I can't count that high. I'm a dog!
But I do know that rats are evil and gross, and dogs are sweet and cute. Therefore take your cheese away from the rats and give it to the dogs.
Thank you for listening, friends! And remember:
Don't give food to icky rats
Puppy loves the tasty treat that's
This has been a public service announcement from the dog.