Saturday, September 19, 2015

Bad, naughty food.

Boy, I'll tell you, even we city boys love us some wild blueberries. Mmm MMMM!!

Okay, country people, don't get on me. I may be from New York City originally, but I have eaten wild blueberries, and I knew that whatever the hell these were, they were not blueberries. And I didn't have to eat any to find out.

First of all, those are some scary red stems. Second, these berries were entwined on a fence, which is hardly the behavior I'd seen from little blueberry bushes I'd seen in the past.

These, of course, are pokeberries, of which Outdoor Life says, "These berries are animal food, not people food. Migrating birds, deer, and many other animals can chow down on these poisonous berries with no ill effect. Humans aren’t so lucky. A handful could kill a child, and a little more could take out an adult." And the National Capital Poison Center says, "Eating several berries can cause pain, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Adults have eaten the roots, mistaking them for medicinal plants. Serious gastrointestinal problems have occurred, including bloody vomiting, bloody diarrhea, and low blood pressure."

You naughty old pokeberry! Going around looking like a blueberry and wham! Bloody vomiting, bloody diarrhea, and death. (Reminds me of an old girlfriend, actually.)

I don't usually go eating things I find in the woods willy-nilly. Even the dog is smarter than that. I have seen wild blackberries around here, which we even had in some spots in the city, but by the time I found them the birds had been hitting the bush like Keith Moon hitting a hotel room.

Say, did Moon die from eating pokeberries? We all thought it was drugs and alcohol, but maybe he was thinking he was going to turn a new leaf, start a healthy diet, eat some fresh wild blueberries. Next thing you know, choking on his own bloody vomit.

Unless that was John Bonham. Or "Stumpy Joe" Childs.

Maybe all of them!

Darn it, Nature! Stop messing with us!

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