Thursday, June 18, 2015

Bad music.

The second MacFinster book is preceding apace, and we'll have an announcement on the release date soon. It doesn't help when the author has an immense change at the last minute.

Maybe it wasn't that immense, but I annoyed my own bad self with it.

If you were kind enough to read MacFinster, you may recall that, as a minor matter, the title hero is said to be a terrible songwriter. In his youth he wrote a song entitled "Wiener," lyrics for which appear in the text. I thought we might hear some more of Rex MacFinster's lyrical versatility in the sequel, so I included a song about his pal Two-Can Charlie, who had flunked his road test four times. Called "DOA at the DMV," it was supposed to be a heavy metal song. The only problem is, the more I read it over, the less funny I thought it was.

Much like the DMV itself. 

So it's been excised from the text. However, as one to never let a darling go to waste, I thought I'd share the poetry with you:

Doughnuts to the left of her
Doughnut behind
DMV lady drives him out of his mind
Takes his application
Laughs at his ass
Hands him the test that she knows he can’t pass

At the DMV I’m DOA
Doesn’t seem to be my day
DOA at the DMV
What an awful way to be

Jackwipe giving road tests
Don’t give a damn
Gonna make him flunk this stupid driving exam
Parallel parking
Makes him sweat and cuss
The only pass he’ll get is maybe one for the bus

At the DMV I’m DOA
Gonna have to walk away
DOA at the DMV
This will be the death of me

I thought about it for a while, and although it seemed funny in context, and perhaps if you've ever known someone who just couldn't manage to pass the road test*, but I decided I needed something funnier and stupider. Fortunately, funny and stupid are two of my favorite things. So if you're brave enough to read MacFinster II: MacFinster's Folly when it comes out, you'll have to let me know if I was right.


*Not me -- first time winner! Woo!

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