Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Dog? What dog?

We're constantly impressed by how friendly Tralfaz is. I know a dog that gets hysterical whenever he sees another dog, any other dog; Tralfaz has never met a dog he didn't like. He's never met a human being he didn't want to play with. He's got only a small set of creatures he does not like. You may recall that one of them, sadly, was a skunk.

Tralfaz has been instructed that he is to sink his sharp teeth with his powerful jaws into whatever target Mommy directs him to. We'll see if this works if, God forbid, we get a burglar. I have a five spot that says he licks the burglar's feet and waits for a Milk-Bone.

But he might just do what it takes to defend Mrs. Key. He mostly obeys her, and he's a loyal member of the pack, and if she says "Bite that guy's face off!" that may be all for him.

I am not going to train the dog to attack on my command, however. It's the same reason why I am glad I did not get zapped in a lab and develop superpowers. At some point, it would be abused.

Take the lawn product salesman making the rounds last spring. Nothing against salesmen, who do a job I do not envy, and this guy was very good. But man, he was persistent. He almost had me sold on a lawn-treatment plan, but ultimately I turned him down because A) I would have to water the grass consistently, and that was not going to happen, and B) the new dog was going to pee and crap holes in the lawn anyhow. And the salesman still wouldn't stop! I'd be outside letting Tralfaz have his way with the grass and a car would screech to a halt and---Hi! It's the lawn products guy again! Howdy do! What a surprise! Again!

I told Tralfaz he could bite him, but he'd have to kill and then consume him entirely to hide the evidence.


So I'll leave the deadly force thing to the wife. Safer. Fewer lawyers, in the long run.
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