Christmas roundup.

The thermometer says it is no degrees outside -- yes, friends, we are at Absolute Zero -- so it's winter! And that means Christmas is coming. It's practically here! 

Today I offer a brief roundup of some memes and candy that have popped up on my radar lately. Sweetness abounds. 

I thought this was hilarious, but I had to explain it to a couple of people. It took me a moment also, to be fair. 

I love this one because I never liked the movie and I hated the book. 

Chico had the Man's number, I think.

Next up, further proof that one day all the memes will join together into one Mega Meme. 

Guess what I found in my local supermarket on Saturday, December 20? That's right -- Valentine's Day Candy!

TV listing from Sunday -- tell me you've never see the special without telling me. 

I think AI is writing them now. 

And that brings us to a visit with longtime friend of this blog: PEEPS

Yes, we've reviewed Peeps and Peep Accessories many times on this page -- even other Christmas-themed Peeps, a decade ago. But we've never seen Gingerbread (or, as the yellow box notes, "Gingerbread FLAVORED") Peeps before. I'm a fan of the plucky little Just Born company of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, but I am cautious. Can these possibly be any good?

Verdict: Yes, if you like marshmallow and you like the flavor of gingerbread and you think they'd work well together. Unbelievably sweet, of course, as the outer flavoring is also sugared, much as so many pumpkin spice treats in the fall include sugar. I think you need it; lightly melted sugar helps other flavorings stick, first of all, and second, sugar has a lovely and underrated texture all its own. But man, this is sweet. 

You might drop one of these dudes in a cup of (mostly unsweetened) cocoa and let him melt; I think that would taste good, although you hate to see a friendly face get the Wicked Witch treatment. 

So there's some hot and cold takes for this last Monday before Christmas. Hope to post tomorrow, but definitely on Christmas Day. 

To beat the best you have to eat the best.

If you'd like to eat 76 hot dogs in 12 minutes, these may be the condiments you're looking for:

 

Yes, the hero of Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, Joey Chestnut, has cashed in his fame, and wisely, may I say. The Joey Chestnut World's Greatest Eater line of condiments appeared at my local Walmart this week. They've actually been around a few years, but this is the first I've seen them. Apparently a lot of the proceeds from these products go to charity, which is great.

I don't know if these products are any good -- after all, Joey is known for dunking his hot dogs and buns in water and cramming them down, not delicately basting them with sauces -- but how bad could they be? 

He's got wing sauces, mustard, and something called Classic Boardwalk Coney Sauce. I don't know what that is, and I went to Coney Island quite a lot in my childhood. Technically it should be a sauce used on rabbit meat, but I guess you can use it on anything. 

I applaud Joey for his outstanding work. I know there's no single belt for all eating events, but if there was, I'd bet he would be its uncontested chowing champion of the world. When the Nathan's contest was being won by Japanese men who (according to Curtis Sliwa) trained in secret camps and spread out across the world, eating for victory, Joey saved our national pride. Takeru Kobayashi had won the Nathan's contest six times in a row, wiping the floor easily with contenders like Charles "Hungry Man" Hardy. Joey entered the arena and said "Hold my Maalox." He went on to win the contest every year since 2007 except for 2015, when fellow American Matt Stonie edged him by two dogs.

Competitive eating may seem like a silly thing, even a waste of good food, but it is definitely difficult. Would you really want to try your luck at eating the most mayonnaise in three minutes? (Michelle "Cardboard Shell" Lesco, 3.5 jars, or 86.35066 ounces -- well over half a gallon in three minutes.) Not me, thanks. 

To be the absolute best at something, even something as weird as eating the most Peeps (Stonie again, 255 in five minutes), takes really stupendous effort. There's only room for one at the pinnacle, and certainly when it comes to hot dogs, Joey Chestnut is there. 

I don't think he does the mayo contests, though. Maybe that's why he doesn't offer a Joey Chestnut Mayonnaise. Michelle Lesco could offer a brand of mayo. 

A Matt Stonie-themed Peep might be fun, now that I think about it. 

The Peep of doom?

Easter is nearly here -- tomorrow is Palm Sunday -- and so the Peeps are everywhere. Not that I have a problem with that. Longtime readers will know I've reviewed all sorts of Peeps products on this blog, even weird combo items like the Peeps Oreos. 

I would say that they have overrun the Easter aisle a little, but it's their main time of the year -- it would be like complaining that there are too many candy canes at Christmas. 

Look at this! Giant Peeps! Chocolate-dipped Peeps! Decorate-Your-Own Peeps! Hot cinnamon and birthday cake Peeps! Fruit punch and chocolate pudding Peeps! It's a Peep-for-all! 

And yet none of that makes me fear we have gone too close to the edge. But PEPSI x PEEPS? Is this a sign of the aPEEPcalypse? Oh, yes -- this may indeed be the last Peep.

From the press release: 

Fans can submit photos of themselves enjoying the spring with PEEPS® Marshmallow Chicks and Bunnies by tagging @PEPSI, #HangingWithMyPEEPS and #PepsiSweepstakes on Twitter and Instagram for the chance to win a coveted limited-edition three-pack of PEPSI x PEEPS®.

"After what has been a very difficult year, many consumers are looking for new things to smile about.  So, to celebrate the start of springtime, Pepsi collaborated with PEEPS® to develop a limited batch of its first-ever marshmallow cola.  This PEPSI x PEEPS® collaboration will be available in three bright colors through a distinctive mini-can design and will most certainly have fans buzzing all season long," said Todd Kaplan, VP Marketing – Pepsi. "We know our consumers love our limited product drops, and we believe that PEPSI x PEEPS® will deliver an iconic and delicious pairing that has the potential to become a fan favorite." 

Yes, you read that right -- Pepsi is putting out a marshmallow soda in conjunction with Peeps. 

Would I try this? Are you crazy? Of course I would try this! I would be letting the Internet down if I didn't post a review! But I'm a little confused as to whether this product is going to be available in stores or just through the sweeps-- uh, PEEPstakes. 

I'll let you know if I find it. A nice cold glass of marshmallow soda might be just what the doctor ordered, even if it is somehow another sign of the Armageddon. In which case, we will know that this Peeps soda was a fridge too far.

Sweet eats.

I'm trying to give up sweets this Lent, except for an upcoming birthday party for which Pope Me has already given dispensation. Still, that's going to mean an unusually long time for me to go without sugar. Can I survive without this key food group?

Meanwhile, though, I can live on the ghost of sugars past, like:

I've ridden Oreos' case for their weird varieties in recent times, such as the Peeps Oreo and the Pop Rocks Oreo. But Pistachio?

Yep -- and although this photo doesn't show it too well, the filling is green.

I expected to dislike the Pistachio Oreo Thin and revolt against its nuttiness, but I was wrong. It's delicious. Chocolate and nuts are a great combo, although one sees the pistachio/chocolate duet far less often than, say, almond/chocolate. My wife was not so enthused about it, but I say, if you like Oreos and pistachios, you'll probably like these.

On the topic of Peeps, though: With Easter coming, the folks at Just Born continue to surprise us with new variations on the Peep theme:

The Orange Sherbet Peep (I always wants to spell "sherbet" as "sherbert") is an interesting take. The orange flavor is pleasant, not forceful like the "fruit" flavors of a Jolly Rancher. The marshmallow candy is usually improved by dipping in chocolate, which adds depth and texture; here they've used "crème flavored fudge," which is not just a sweet hit like white chocolate, but more milky. Really makes it a Creamsicle Peep. Good job, Peeps people.

Getting back to Oreos for a moment: One of the more successful Oreo types I reviewed in 2017 was the Dunkin' Donuts Mocha, and I mention that now because A) the spreading of the Dunkin' Donuts brand continues and B) they are clearly still determined to drop the Donuts from the name.

Yoplait released these four Dunkin' Donuts-inspired flavors, and I as much as I hate to keep on this positive note today, these are pretty good too. The French Vanilla Latte is excellent if you're a fan of coffee yogurts; the Apple Fritter has a strong and tasty apple flavor, like the classic Dannon Dutch Apple back in le jour. The Cinnamon Coffee Roll is flat-out cinnamon and nothing wrong with that. The Boston Cream may be the least successful, first because chocolate is not a great blend with yogurt, and second because the subtle flavor of Boston cream is lost in translation. Still good, though.

Anyway, if you want mild disappointment, I always say you can't beat a McDonald's shake. And now is the time of year to join Uncle O'Grimacey for a Shamrock Shake. 

Still minty. Still greener than the inside of a Pistachio Oreo Thin. McDonald shakes are okay if you're really jonesing for a shake, but there's very little ice cream texture or flavor to one; really, they're so marshmallowy they should work with Just Born on a line of Peeps shakes.

So that's my tour de sweets for now; although our Lenten sacrifices are not supposed to be for selfish reasons, I wouldn't mind if my pants fit better by Easter. I hope Pope Me won't mind.

The Big Peep.

Casual readers of this site who happen upon days when I write about Just Born's famous Peeps may think I am obsessed with their marshmallow goodness, but I maintain that is not the case. I just like to keep up with what they're doing. In a world of Hersheys and M&M Marses, it's nice to shine some light on the little guys.

Snappy duds. 

I like the fact that they're always trying something new, those plucky R&D guys at the Peepsery. It may be the Dunkin' Donuts Peep doughnuts of some springtimes past, or Oreo Peep hybrid that supposedly turned your poop pink, or the Peeps Minis that were meant to be the non-seasonal anytime treat (and failed); the Just Born guys cheer the successes, shake off the disappointments, roll up their sleeves, and get back to it.

During the Christmas season we were introduced to Peeps Delights, although I didn't find them until I was looking for cut-price post-holiday wrapping paper.

The theme of the Delights is: Peep dipped in stuff. While the new Delights come in such flavors as Orange dipped in orange fudge and Coconut in dark chocolate, the ones I got were Sugar Cookie in white fudge and Cinnamon Roll in cinnamon fudge. I definitely see the holiday connection with Sugar Cookie; Cinnamon Roll seems like an anytime thing to me.

We submitted these to our taste tester (me). And the verdict?

Depends on the Delight.

I thought the Sugar Cookie was one was very nice; the marshmallow was light on sugar cookie flavor but the white fudge base more than compensated for it. That Peep would be welcome in any season.

The Cinnamon Roll, though, was not too pleasant, the cinnamon taste having an artificial tang and being a poor match with the marshmallow and with the icing. Since more Latin immigrants have entered the U.S. our food companies have been trying to cinnamonize all sorts of products, with mixed results. This, to my taste buds, is unsuccessful.

But keep at it, Peep scientists! Other awesome sounding wintery flavors of Delights included Hot Chocolate and Caramel. I see on the Peep site that a Strawberry Delight is coming for Valentine's Day; Chocolate Mousse and Blueberry are in the offing as well. Surely you'll strike gold with this line -- if we can all just give Peeps a chance.

Or-peep-os.

No, this isn't weird at all.

So you're thinking, O brave new world, that has such Peeps in it! Or, What unholy mess is this now?

Both understandable thoughts.

If you have not seen the Peeps Oreos, I can assure you that they are a real thing. It's the vanilla cookie used for the Golden Oreos, with a pink Marshmallow Peeps-ish filling.

You may be wondering, is that filling really all that pink?

Yes, yes it is.

It's a pretty impressive collaboration for a couple of reasons, the main one being that neither Nabisco nor its parent company, Mondelēz International, own Just Born, makers of Peeps. So you know big sugary confabs had to take place to make this product happen in time for Easter. Also, high marks to the clever food scientists who were able to make the white Oreo filling quite Peeps-ish, not only in color but in mouthfeel. It does not have that marshmallow flavor, not that I could detect, but it does have a bit of that sugar-crystal texture that coats the outside of the Peep. Well done, you savants of snacking.

The reason you may have heard of these Limited Edition cookies, however, is the story in the news that the pink filling is turning people's feces pink:

One reviewer claims the filling is the same one used in the Marshmallow Crispy Oreos, but with one major difference: It's bright pink and appears to turn your mouth—and even your dung—bright pink, too.

Forgive me if I tread into TMI territory, but I will say that I did not notice any effect of the kind. It may be that you have to eat a lot of these cookies in one sitting, perhaps a dozen or more, which I did not do. Anyway, it's harmless food coloring that is blamed for the phenomenon, so I suppose if this happened you could just chalk it up to festiveness.

On that scatalogical note: Our little dog, Nipper, seemed to be getting into the Mardi Gras feeling a day or two before Fat Tuesday, when his poop came out partly neon green and pink. Turned out he'd been eating the fuzz off some of his toys. If he'd gotten some purple in there too it might have looked like a King cake. We'll plan for next year.

Peeps Mini review, part 2.

Today we tackle the Strawberry Crème Peep Mini. Right off the bat we're annoyed, because Blogger sucks with the special characters and you have to use an accent grave for Crème. 

Another squashed li'l Peep.

It has a mellow flavor, and being one we associate with sweetness, it went better with the marshmallow than the Sour Watermelon flavor, I thought. Mrs. Key thought it was roagy. Maybe even grody. Of course it was totally bogus strawberry flavor, like the stuff Starburst takes out of Strawberri Tank #5 or something, but artificial flavors have never shown any evidence of killing anything but taste. 

I noted that this Peep is 14 calories, as opposed to the 13 from the Sour Watermelon, and Mrs. Key accused be of being a lardbutt for preferring the more caloric Peep. So sue me. 

Now I must confess I bought these Peeps Minis from the supermarket's discount (or clearance) shelf, having not even found both flavors on sale together in the eight months they've been out. They just don't seem to be catching on. And there's a fourth flavor, Vanilla Crème, that I've never seen at all. I think it was a late release---there were only chocolate, watermelon, and strawberry mentioned in the original campaign. 

Should I find the vanilla one I will duly buy it and review it, out of a sense of completion and obligation. And because I like to eat sugar. 

Peeps Mini review, part 1.

Or really part 2, since I reviewed the chocolate Peeps Minis way back in September. Now we have the others.

I know, plunging into the world of candy reviews seems to contradict my resolution to cut down on the sugar, but I said cut down, not out. Besides, this is for the sake of you, the reader. My public. Besides, Mrs. Key was willing to  help out.

Today we present the review for the Sour Watermelon flavored Mini Peep, which, like most "watermelon" candy, features flavor and color found nowhere in nature, or at least nowhere near an actual watermelon.

Kind of smushed li'l Peep.

They were a bit sour, but not eye-wateringly sour like Skittles Sour. "Cool, for a sour marshmallow," was Mrs. Key's judgement, and I would agree. I thought they would be more Jolly Ranchery. Only Mellow Ranchery. As with the chocolate ones, I was vaguely disappointed. Then again, at just 13 calories each, I can stand to be a little disappointed.

As I noted before, in real life marshmallows are never sour, but when you're Just Born, the Peeps peeps, you can do these things. Except not really, and maybe still not all that well.

Tomorrow we'll have a look at the Strawberry Crème Peeps Minis. Wish us luck!

A Miniony Little Christmas.

These were in the store, in with the seasonal foods:

I was a little baffled, I confess. First, I didn't know Peeps was making Minions products. It's amazing how they've spread out; just a few years ago you only ever saw Peeps at Easter, and only as chicks and bunnies. Now movie tie-ins? And why now? The Minions movie doesn't open until July, and yet the Peeps site says that this product is only available "for a limited time only".

A few days later, though, it became a little more clear as I saw the first of what would prove to be a series of Minions-packaged Christmas Peeps: the others don't look like Minions, but they have the little yellow dudes on the packaging. Here's one:

Which I, being a hard-boiled reporter, felt obliged to try, in fulfillment of my mission to inform the public.

The Hot Cocoa & Cream Peep was weird, but all Peeps are kind of weird. If you don't like the taste of sugar, you shouldn't be eating a Peep, is my first note. You may have had other chocolate-flavored Peeps, and that's what the chicks are, but their little chicky butts have been dipped in a kind of white-chocolate intended to simulate cream. They could have called it Hot Cocoa & Marshmallow, but all Peeps are marshmallow, and the cream part is not; it is a pedestrian-quality white chocolate.

Still, Dave the Minion, who as you see by the label is now an Official Peeps Taste Tester, appears to approve, and I'll give it a thumbs-up. If Peeps are the kind of thing you like, you will likely like this kind of Peep.

Interesting that Just Born, the company that makes Peeps, now has Minions working for it. According to the IMDB description of the upcoming movie, "Minions evolve through the ages, perpetually serving the most despicable of masters." Can the manufacturers of Peeps be vile and despicable? Yipe!

Shoutout.

The latest in the Adventures of Crep I Should Not Eat:

The clever folks at Just Born are very eager these days to make Peeps part of your daily snacking. Peeps aren't just for the Easter Bunny anymore.

Those little marshmallow chicks have been Easter treats since 1953. Then they started making marshmallow treats for other holidays, like Halloween and Christmas---the chocolate-covered marshmallow Christmas trees were particularly bodacious, by the way, and that's coming from a guy who never much cared for Mallomars. This year I spotted Fourth of July Peeps. But now, like Just Born's other treats (Mike & Ike, Hot Tamales, Goldenberg's Peanut Chews, et al) we are meant to love the Peep every day of the year.

Let's get a couple of the little fellas out of the bag and have a look.

Just a couple of chocolate-flavored Peeps, out to change the world.

My review: Eh, not so spectacular. The chocolate flavor is hardly there. The marshmallow is okay, as it always is, but what is marshmallow but sugar? And these have a little crystallized sugar on the outside as well, but I think not as much as a regular Peep. Also, being sold in bags, they get a little squashed. You note that regular Peeps always come in cartons to retain that Peep integrity.

On the whole a bit disappointing. Will probably try the other flavors---Strawberry Crème and Sour Watermelon (!)---because of my spirit of adventure, my hopeless addiction to sugar, and the What the hell? factor that can only come from a sour watermelon marshmallow*. Further reports to come, no doubt, and aren't you all thrilled?

* In real life, watermelon is either sweet or tasteless, but never sour unless you pickle it or you live in Jolly Rancher Land.