Sunday, September 18, 2016

Party / No Party.

Week 2 of NFL football, and so far my Giants haven't lost! Cowboys fans like the jerk on my block may say that the Boys gave last week's game away to the G-Men, with some boneheaded plays, especially at the end. To which I say: I don't care. You had 60 minutes to win at home and you lost. On opening day. Which the Cowboys had not done to the Giants ever before.

Not quite sure how we have this stupid rivalry with an expansion club, anyway. 

But I'm not here to talk about the actual games, although with the Giants 1-0, the Mets in good position for a playoff spot, and locally, Army 3-0 for the first time in twenty years,* it's tempting. No, my concern is the gatherings you will have today, and what you will serve. If more than one is gathered for football, than it is... Party!


Who looks at the bags of snacks and says, "No, my friends and I are not party animals. I shall buy the small bag." No; if you have people coming and you're buying snacks, you say, "We are not a bunch of losers! We shall require the Party Size snacks!" I'm impressed that even Smartfood has gotten into it. Even smarties know that you need to buy the Party Size! 

If you do plan to watch the game alone, and you are buying snacks of an appropriate size, you are thus condemned to feel like a loser. They should label the small bag "Loser Size." I could send one to the Cowboys fan next door.

Speaking of losers, you may have heard that the retailer Target, having been run out of the mean streets of Canada like a whipped dog, is now failing to make sales projections and is looking grim. A nearby Target has been looking pretty sad, with empty shelves and weary staff. Last year Target cut thousands of workers. And this year it got hit with a boycott that, unlike most boycotts, actually seemed to have hurt sales, over their bizarre attempt to jump on the political correctness bandwagon

But frankly, something else is killing Target, and it's this:


What the hell is this? Cake mix? Scone mix? I've seen happier looking packages of rat poison. What do they think they're doing? To whom do they think this overpriced ($4.99!) box of flour is supposed to appeal? It may be wonderful stuff, but when you look at something in the market and it makes you think of the Joads, are you really moving the goods? 

You don't even have to slap the "Loser" label on this stuff. 

But I suspect few football fans are interested in scones for their get-togethers. So perhaps it doesn't matter. Still, Target had better pull up its socks and get to work. And I hope whomever you're rooting for today will do the same. 

Unless it's a team in the NFC East that is not the Giants, or the Saints, whom we play today. 

It's nothing personal. Just football. 

Okay, with the Cowboys, it's personal, but we don't see them again until December.

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* Army will be a powerhouse team again when we reinstate the draft. If you ask some of the locals around here they'd say it's worth it. 
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