A serious issue has come to my attention. Apparently some of you are having children when you should be adopting dogs. This is a matter of grave concern to the Canine-American community.
I do not wish to sound like I dislike children. Nothing could be further from the truth! Children are some of my favorite people. They are small and cute. Sometimes they smell great! We doggies usually love them, even ones that pull our tails or whiskers or ears or stick fingers in our heinies -- you know, not really crazy about the heinie thing. But they are usually very friendly to dogs, giving us pats and love, and they often slip us food, which is very good. So I and my canine chums agree that children are all right.
The thing is, it seems that some people who would make perfectly okay dog owners are instead having children. "Oh, a doggie is too much responsibility," they say (probably). "I think I will just give birth instead." Maybe even, "I am simply too lazy to have a dog. I will have offspring."
This is wacky kind of thinking! Trust me, your dog will turn out to be a lot more helpful than a baby. Babies just lie there and do nothing, unlike dogs who do... Well, if a burglar came into the house, I promise you, you would not see the baby hanging off the naughty man's leg by his teeth!
What's more, children continue to be helpless and stupid much longer than puppies do. I don't want to name names, but I have heard of some able-bodied humans who remain helpless and stupid as adults. Do you want to take a chance on that?
To bolster my point, I would like to list these reasons why dogs are better to have around than children.
1) You don't have to buy a dog clothes. (You can, but you don't have to.)
2) A dog will never steal your car. (Well, almost never.)
3) Dogs do not require Back-to-School sales.
4) Many dogs are soft and fuzzy. Babies may be soft but are never fuzzy.
5) Pee on lawn vs. pee in pants: no-brainer.
So before you do something rash like get hold a human child, think of the many benefits of dogs. And if you must get children into your house somehow, first get that dog to help you out. Your sweet canine buddy will gladly assist in raising your wee one. We will keep an eye on him while you do dishes. We will play with him so he gets exercise. We will help him dispose of unwanted dinner foods. The list is endless.
All we pups ask is that you bear in mind this simple thought:
Dogs may fuss and chew up bones
But never need to take out loans
This has been a public service announcement from the dog.