Today is the income tax deadline in the United States. Talk about rending unto Caesar -- the whole process leaves you feeling pretty rended.
Of course, you know what the answer to all your tax problems is: Fredcoin! Not just the only cryptocurrency with the imprimatur of Fred himself, but also the only cryptocurrency with a secret toy surprise!*
Before or on tax day, the teeming hordes of Fredcoin customers always come to me with questions. "Fred!" they say, "we have questions!" And I say, "My friends, I have answers!" But since we're up against the deadline for filing income tax, I figured I'd better give you an FAQ list rather than trying to help each of you individually. Plus, I hate to see a grown man cry.
FREDCOIN AND TAXES: FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
1. Is Fredcoin considered a tax shelter?
Yes, and by that I mean, no. If you leave your cash invested in Fredcoin, then yes, you don't have to worry about paying taxes. If you should foolishly want to reconvert your Fredcoin to worthless U.S. currency, then consider your shelter as firm as Dorothy's Kansas farmhouse.
2. Which IRS form do I need to file to lay out my Fredcoin investments?
You need to file a Schedule FRD, form 8712-P, with a side of pickled beets.
3. Are my vast Fredcoin profits taxable income?
Yes, I certainly believe they would be.
4. Can I buy Fredcoin if I live in Austin?
I'm sorry, this is a "Fredcoin and Texas" question; that's a different FAQ.
5. Is Fredcoin a form of money laundering?
No, no, of course not! Now, it's possible that some unscrupulous characters might slip some ill-gotten gains into their purchase of Fredcoin -- how would I know? And it's possible that they might convert their Fredcoin back into some crummy U.S. currency, minus a large fee, to claim it was all Fredcoin profits and totally legit. Ha! Ha! What a funny little totally fake scenario. No, we never talk about money laundering here at Fredcoin. We much prefer to call it money fortification.
6. Why is Fredcoin the best cryptocurrency out there, bar none, hands down, hands none, bar down?
You have to ask? Look at it! No other currency of any kind has Fred on it. And I think that says it all.
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*Secret toy surprise offer may not apply. See side of box for details. Do not use Fredcoin internally. Some patients reported that Fredcoin caused dizziness, nausea, and elongated nostril hairs. Fredcoin is a registered trademark of Fredcoin Inc. LLC LLP MNOP. All Rights reserved. Lefts are up for grabs.
2 comments:
There is nothing wrong with money laundering. Consider how many other filthy, germ riddled hands have touched those few dollars in your wallet. Best to stick them in the washing machine and get them clean.
Coins as well.
rbj13
I regularly launder coins. Not intentionaly, of course, just from leaving them in pants pockets. A little cup by the washer collects them.
I hope the IRS/FBI doesn't read this.
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