Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Free stupid pills!

Ever have one of those food runs?

Due to a collusion of events, not all of them dog-related, we ran out of time to cook dinner. My wife suggested takeout. Let's try someplace new! Okay!

And thus I entered into a realm of stupidity.

Everyone was driving like a guy with two DWIs on his record, while texting---either painfully slow or coppers-can't-catch-me reckless; either crawling at 15 or buzzing through other people's right of ways, but careening from side to side regardless. Someone had opened the asylum gates and handed out car keys.

Had to stop at the bank to deposit a check and get some cash, and the drive-up ATM had two cars on line. One does not often see people who have never used an ATM before, let alone two in the same line, but I was fortunate enough to witness this discovery of the new frontier, this end of innocence. Meanwhile, my food was somewhere, growing cold.

Later at the restaurant: two managers are yakking with a drunk guy at the bar. A third guy comes out of the kitchen and starts in. I alerted them that I was there for a pickup. My food was three feet away. I was acknowledged, but no word was said to assure me that help was forthcoming. Apparently union rules forbade any of these three idiots from helping me.

Finally a woman comes out of the kitchen and rings me up. Over the register is a sign that says, "You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Work Here. We'll Train You!" Yeah, well, mission accomplished.

In Regular, Extra Strength, Prescription Strength, and Moron.

It wasn't my last stop before heading home, but trust me when I tell you that the fun and games continued. I really think CVS and Rite Aid were handing out free samples of stupid pills. People will take anything if it's free.

I have not ventured out yet today, but I can only hope that the effects of the stupid medication have worn off. If not, perhaps I could get some. Or maybe I already have! After all, if I had been sharp yesterday, I might have prevented the time crunch that resulted in having to pick up dinner.

See the happy moron,
He doesn’t give a damn,
I wish I were a moron,
My God! perhaps I am!
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