"Believe me, I am as shocked as you are," said the one-time pagan god, currently chief among Satan's angels. "Those of us who take very seriously the concerns of our worshipers know that we do not treat such things and the concurrent accusations lightly."
Moloch's office claims to have been "completely unaware" that some of its priests, after having sacrificed children on the altar, were then selling the parts of the children for use as food, fertilizer, or diabolical research.
|"Boy, is my face red."|
The current controversy was sparked by the emergence of a secret video of one of Moloch's priests, Dr. Splackworth, who thought he was lunching with a diabolical researcher from New York University. The undercover videographer claimed to be interested in buying "leftovers" from Moloch's sacrifices, which Splackworth enthusiastically supported. In a second video released today, Splackworth was seen haggling over prices with the videographer, hoping "to get a new chariot out of this, something racy."
"The heavily edited video, concocted for political gain, in no way reflects our way of doing business here," continued Moloch's statement. "Although admittedly Dr. Splackworth's behavior was a bit embarrassing, rest assured that we aim to completely annihilate the children we kill."
In a followup statement, Moloch's office noted that "No one profits from our killing, except of course those who send the kids to extinction requesting our help." The statement added that Dr. Splackworth has been relocated to a new office in Hell, pending outcome of Moloch's infernal investigation.