Saturday, July 25, 2015

Boom boom, ain't it great?

I'm very disappointed in myself.

I took this "How Neurotic Are You?" One-Minute Personality Test the other day, and I was disappointed in the results. First of all, it took me more than a minute. Me! Is this the same guy who once finished the SAT so fast he had time to bite all ten of his fingernails and all ten of his toenails? Am I slipping?

And what did I get?

"You are more neurotic than at least 70% of people"

(That's from the Personality Test, not the SAT, by the way.)

As I said, I was very disappointed in these results. In truth, I am more neurotic than far a much larger percentage than 70. This is so unfair.

I should note that the results also said, "even more than that if you scored higher than a 29."

That made me feel a little mollified. After all, I scored 35 of 40, and "The closer your score is to 40, the more neurotic you are." The average score being 20.

Still, there's obviously room for improvement. If I buckle down, get off the stick, pull up my socks, get my rear in gear, and start walloping the ol' watermelon, I'm sure I can score 40. Granted, I haven't had a perfect score since I aced the shoelace tying in kindergarten, but this is right in my wheelhouse.

It's time, people. Time for all this worry, delusion, and misery to pay off. I know you're all pulling for me.

Uh... you are, aren't you?

Oh, you're one of THEM.

[hides under sofa]

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