Friday, July 3, 2015

Coke, what the hell?

A manly man goes to grab himself a manly can of Coke Zero from the fridge, and what happens?

Excuse me? "Sis"?

Look, I don't want to get into any kind of Bruce/Caitlyn thing here, or be accused of being sexist, but come on. This can was clearly meant for someone's sister. Well, suppose my sister isn't here. Okay, now what, smart guy? Am I supposed to go thirsty while the can earmarked for my sister gets warm? Maybe she likes Pepsi. Maybe she likes Pepsi One! I suppose someone did.

That's not the point. The point is, Coke, you have forced me, a manly type of man, to drink from a girly type of can, or use a glass, which is also girly. Putting identifiers on cans makes them useless to certain populations. Are you trying to be divisive, Coke? Trying to set Bro vs. Sis here?

What if you buy a 12-pack, and by chance there are seven Sis cans and five Bros. Someone's getting hosed, bro.

Yeah, this won't cause any fights.

Even dumber are the individual bottles with the names on them. Who wants to buy someone else's bottle? This is the second summer you've done it, so I suppose someone likes it, but I don't know why. And I'm not just saying that because I have yet to see a Fred. In fact, it turns out there IS no Fred. You have Quin AND Quinn, but no Fred. Is the idea that I'm supposed to see a bottle for my friends Felix or Perla (made the list) (unlike Fred) and be overwhelmed with the desire to buy him or her a Coke? What if Perla's my ex, and now I'm plunged into misery? What the hell is going on down there in Atlanta?

I'm very disappointed in you.

I guess I can settle for one of the more lame-o cans, and leave the Sis can to stew until she shows up. Here's one.

Wingman. Which means, basically, sidekick. Probably the comic relief. The one whose job it is to occupy the unattractive girl.

Who's being sexist now, Coke?

This whole situation saddens me. Do they still make RC Cola?

No comments: