Thursday, January 28, 2021

The meaning is clear.

PROFESSOR DECLARES SNOW "CLEAR"
Cites "Accuracy" and "Hegemony"



Duckfoot Ridge, CO (1/28/21) -- Dr. Edwina Raige, professor of Meteorological Phenomena and Related Grievances at Duckfoot Ridge College, has announced demands to the weather community, media, and public at large that snow no longer be referred to as "white," but rather "clear." 

"Any scientist knows that snowflakes are made of frozen water, and thus are not white, but clear," said the professor at a conference today. "Only anti-science idiots and people with a vested interest in White Supremacy call snow 'white.' Today I demand that all references to snow be changed to describe it as clear rather than white."

Dr. Raige provided reporters with a list of "stupid, prejudicial, anti-science, patriarchal, pro-White, anti-BIPOC examples of the idea of white snow in Western culture," with preferred, pro-human pro-science replacements, including:

Whiteout weather warnings

Clearout weather warnings

 Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow

Mary had a small quadrupedal, ruminant mammal whose fleece was clear as snow 

Ivory Snow detergent

Elephant Bony Tissue Frozen Water detergent

"White Christmas"

"Clear Eurocentric Historically Problematical Annual Event"

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves  

Snow Clear and the Seven Persons of Small Stature 

"Fifteen Feet of Pure White Snow" 

"4.572 Meters of Crystalline Clear Frozen Water"

"Removing the toxic whiteness from our idea of snow will remove toxic whiteness from a primary part of our vocabulary and thought," said Dr. Raige. "It not only is a blow for scientific accuracy, it is also a blow against the white cisgender supremacist hegemony." 

The Weather Channel was among the first to agree to use Dr. Raige's new formulation, citing "her impeccable credentials" and "her living in Colorado where they get a lot of the whi-- uh, cold stuff." MSNBC and CNN concurred. All three were then soundly thrashed on social media for assuming Dr. Raige's gender.

3 comments:

raf said...

"That's not funny!"

Robert said...

Can't tell if it's satire or not anymore.

Had about an inch of snow last night. The terrorists were unimpressed. Taking them to the park, wet, cold and windy. I do not miss it in the least.

rbj

FredKey said...

We're about to really get it in the neck, coldwise.