Friday, March 20, 2020

Last chance! Plus: Ain't that Stuf enuf?

Books! Woo hoo
Just using this Friday space to remind you that today is the final day of the Fred Kindle Giveaway. All of my novels for the Kindle and Kindle software are free! Every pixel must go! Get your shovel and scoop up some!

But if you feel gypped that all I'm doing here today is a commercial, and you're ready to throw down your Little Frederick Key Decoder Ring in disgust, let me fill the rest of the page with another brief adventure in the unending saga of Foods I Should Not Eat.

🍦🍨🍧🍩🍫🍪🍬🍭🍮🍯🍰

I was at a meeting last week, before everything got shut down, and these were the cookies on the agenda, lurking by the coffee:



And I thought to myself: Is this a Stuf Too Far? And: How much Stuf is Too Much Stuf? Is there not hubris in this bombastic bonne bouche? Does this Stuf fly too close to the sun? And: Is the coronavirus God's way of punishing us for building this veritable Tower of Babel Cookie? This Titanic of treats? This Sodom and Gomorreo?



And I thought: I gotta try one.

Look at the package! "Back by Popular Demand"! Nabisco didn't want to bring back the Most Stuf -- don't be crazy! We barely contained the Stuf last time! There are some things about which Man was not meant to know! Don't you remember what happened to Phil at the factory? But the public would not be assuaged. THE MOST STUF! they demanded. And so, with a heavy sigh, and a glance at the sycamore tree planed out front ("In Memory of Philip Klopnik / Perished in the Great Stuf Debacle"), Mr. Nabisco gave the order.

I was never a Double Stuf kind of guy. I for one have never seen the chocolate cookies in an Oreo as just a device to convey the filling. Perhaps most are, and after they've parted the cookie and scraped off the creamy inside they lose interest in the chocolate. No, to me, the Oreo is a great balancing act of chocolate and cream, and to Double Stuf would be as silly as to add a third chocolate cookie to the outside.

But I have to say, the Most Stuf almost changed my mind.

It's almost like eating a little slice of cake, with a crisp crunchy layer on either end. The Stuf, being made of sterner stuff than buttercream, is not too much to take in a larger amount. I'm not part of the all-important milk-dunking demo, having eschewed dunkage for most products, so I can't vouch for that. I thought it was pretty good, though. And in fact more satisfying in a way, One Most Stuf was probably as satisfying as three normal Oreos.

Still, I prefer the perfect balance of a standard Oreo,

In the end, though, I have to say -- one should be happy with one's Stuf, however modest; if we cannot be grateful for the small Stuf, we can never be grateful for the most Stuf either.

Requiescant in Pace, Phil Klopnik!

Last reminder: If YOU want a sweet treat, download those sweet books and read to your heart's content. Tomorrow they cost real money again!

5 comments:

Phil "BG" Spade said...

We are are such stuf as dreams are made on - Sam Marlowe

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the books!

Humor is a great response to the current crazy times - it's much appreciated!

FredKey said...

You're welcome!

Ruffin said...

Have you tried the marshmallow chocolate oreos?? YUM!!!!!

FredKey said...

Thanks, Ruffin! I now am under a compulsion.