Saturday, May 13, 2017

Up in my grille.

Crest makes toothpaste for kids. Well, good, I say. I don't remember toothpastes specially made for children when I was the target audience. It's possible they were around and my parents just figured there was no reason I needed a toothpaste with Batman on the tube or whatever. "Let him use Pearl Drops! Make a man of him!"

Nowadays, I'm not swayed to buy something because the Disney Princesses or Pixar's Cars are on the label, but surely others are. Here, boys! You can have teeth like Mater's! 

Trucks got teeth!

The idea of a non-mint toothpaste has some appeal. Everyone wants to be minty fresh, but no one wants his breakfast to taste that way. Would it keep your Cap'n Crunch from tasting like peppermint? More important for grown-ups, would it keep your orange juice from tasting like poison?

Sadly, no; according to the boffins at the American Chemical Society, it's the sodium lauryl sulfate that makes your OJ taste as bad as... well, as bad as OJ Simpson acts*. And the chemical is found in kids' Crest toothpaste.

I did notice that, unlike regular adult non-whitening Crest, there's no seal of acceptance from the American Dental Association on the tube. That's not necessarily a deal-breaker; other Crest products have the seal, including some children's products, so you'd figure this is probably good too, right? Maybe it's pending. Maybe Procter & Gamble didn't want to pay the $15 Gs in application fees. Maybe it would have had to run over McQueen's grille.

Certainly I think children's toothpastes are a good idea if they get kids more willing to brush the Sugar Babies out of their cavity-prone choppers. If it's the Fruit Burst or Bubblegum flavors that does it, or just having Lightning McQueen and Tow Mater there as moral support, either way I endorse this toothpaste. Just don't expect it to make a man of your little boy the way Pearl Drops** would.


*I wonder what kind of toothpaste OJ uses in jail? Do all toothpastes taste bad to him because he is OJ? 

**Pearl Drops is also not ADA-accepted, by the way.

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