Wednesday, May 17, 2017


[Another rerun from the old, nonworking Web site....]

Have you ever noticed (wow, look who's the new Andy Rooney) that kids' TV shows and books and songs and crap are all focused on the importance of friends? It's been starting to bug me lately.

There are reasons for all that friend stuff, of course. Sharing and cooperation do not come naturally to small children, who are just as likely to whack each other with hard toys as play together. (Maybe more so.) And if you have a hit show or movie, you want to sell them more than just Cookie Monster dolls. You want them buying Ernie, Bert, Elmo, Oscar, the big yellow loser, Telly, Kermit, Bob, Guy Smiley, Mr. Hooper, whatever. Lightning is nothing on his own; you have to have Mater, Sarge, Fillmore, Luigi, Flo, Ramone, Sally, Red, blah blah blah, the whole damn town. (And when you're telling the story it's vital to note that the hero's friends just happen to be exceptionally good at whatever they do--Guido's the world's fastest forklift, for example--or at least are able to hold their own in the big fight, like Pumbaa.) You need friends!

Friendly friends!

So it's nice to teach children to get along with others, but it would be nice to teach them that they can and ought to be able to stand on their own two feet as well. However, since our education system still takes a dim view of loners, I suppose that's not going to change. 

So to cash in on the current zeitgeist, I've composed the lyrics to a song that I think could be used in schools everywhere, or perhaps as the theme song for a great kids' show about a bunch of individuals with distinct personality quirks who have to do everything together.

You gotta have friends
Friends to the end
Around the bend
You’ll never mend
Without friends.

On your own
You’ll never handle it alone
You’re useless you see
To any degree
That’s why you nee
d your friends.

If you’re not cooperatin’
You want to be an individualist
You’ll see it’s just exasperatin’
And then you’ll really get pist

Nothing matters without friends
Nothing's fun without a group
Not even a poop
You must have a troop
Of friends!

You can write me in care of the site for information on how to send me my royalties. I'll handle the music myself; I never collaborate.

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