Olympic news.

Well, sports fans, here we are on Day 1 of the Olympic competition, and news headlines around the world are blaring amazing stories from the Summer Games. Here's the Vitamin Fred Olympic News Round-up:

• The 30 percent of the Russian team that was banned by the International Olympic Committee for doping was caught trying to sneak into the Olympic Village wearing fake mustaches, calling themselves the team from Nowheristan. Oddly, the fake mustaches looked more natural on the women.
• The city of Rio de Janeiro, hoping to change its image as an unhealthy destination, offered free flu shots to travelers coming to watch the Games. Sure enough, everyone got the flu.
• The French fencing team has been disqualified from competition for excessive Frenchness. The appeal to the IOC judges demanded that they (the judges) apologize for their stupidity.
• Several nations, including the United States, demanded that Qatar change the pronunciation of its name from the dull "CUT-ter" back to the exotic "Ka-TAR." No official word yet.
• Bizarre weather conditions combined with corpses floating in the Guanabara Bay led to what weather forecasters have termed "The Walking Deadnado," soon to be a film on cable TV.
• The team from Nauru was forced to withdraw from the Olympics when he tripped over his flag and pulled his groin during the Parade of Nations. 
• Runners from Myanmar objected strenuously before the first event that the Watermelon had an unfair advantage due to its size and shape and ability to roll. Judges spent an hour explaining that this was merely a cartoon from Google's Fruit Games and not an actual part of the Olympics.

• Still no word on from the IOC about Fred's bid to host the 2024 Games in his yard, but as of this writing it's down to Los Angeles, Hamburg, Paris, Rome, Budapest, and Fred.