Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Better than the Closing Ceremony!

This one has been making the rounds:

I'm not sure where it came from; a friend posted it from Mexican Word of the Day. It is pretty silly.

And let me just say right now: I completely support this plan.

Dodgeball is a long-time favorite, a sport hated by people who hate sports but loved by the kind of single-minded competitive lunatics who can achieve a spot in the Olympic Games---and win gold medals during it. At the end of the Games, which include 306 gold-medal events, there'd be hundreds of athletes* ready to go. Drop a bunch of balls in there and we're off!

It's so simple: People throws balls at other people, and if they hit someone that person is out. You can also have moving walls; as people are eliminated, the field shrinks. That would keep it from getting dull at the end, with two people chucking balls at each other across a big field.

At first it seems unfair---you'd have big strong he-men throwing balls at little gymnasts---but those big strong guys make for slow targets. You don't have to hit them hard. Of course, the little fleet people can't throw the ball with speed, either, so there's a nice balance. A guy like Michael Phelps can probably whip a dodgeball like crazy, but he's also a big galoot who may not be real fast outside of water.

I'll bet the winner would be, like, the coxswain on one of the rowing teams.

And that's part of the charm; everyone who had a gold medal would have a shot at being Ultimate Champion of the World.

After all, as those of us who watched movies in the 1980s know: If you want to be the best, you have to beat the best.


* I don't know how many people walk away with a gold medal after the Olympics. Phelps is not the only guy who comes away with multiple golds. On the other hand, on team events, everybody gets one. All of them would be eligible. In fact, participation is mandatory; skip the tournament and lose your medal. So there'll be no party poopers going home early.

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