I see they have not yet selected the site of the 2024 Olympics, and I have an idea for a cooler venue. I was looking at the potential sites: Boston (where most of the residents don't want the Olympics), Rome (hotter than Tokyo), Nairobi (I will personally host the Olympics before Nairobi does)---and then it struck me. I will personally host the Olympics! I'm entering my bid now.
We have a lot of room; we can handle it. The street is a good size for running and cycling events, maybe at the same time. The backyard is good size, if you don't mind the occasional deer poop, and there's a drainage pond nearby that I'm sure can be used for rowing and diving.
It's not like I don't have any history with the Olympics. Au contraire, as we internationalists say. It was young Fred who wrote the lyrics to the Olympics film Chariots of Fire:
I'm running to Paris
What else can I do?
I'll bring home the bacon
Except I'm a Jew
Ah'm runnin for Scotland
Ge oot of mah way
Nobody ca fathom
A word tha Ah say
We're dashing across the sandy beach
We're sprinting like dogs
We're wearing our training suits of wool
And sweating like hogs
It goes on. Inspirational, n'est-ce pas?
So I think my neighbor and I can get down to the Home Depot for two-by-fours and knock together some grandstands, if the dog stays out of the way. But a small advance from the International Olympic Committee would really help. Come on, guys! We even have a slogan: