Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Puce Wednesday warmup.

Last year, desperate to leave my stamp on the great and wonderful American holiday known as Thanksgiving, I christened today Puce Wednesday. It's kind of colorful, as it's the day of preparation before the holiday, but it's brown and not too colorful, which is appropriate for November. It's dark, but not as dark as black, which is the color of Friday, as in all the ink that will be used to write angry articles about people who shop on the Friday after Thanksgiving. But that's days away.

Here's some puce now to get you in the mood.

And here's a puce hand turkey.
You may be wondering how to properly celebrate Puce Wednesday. Well, there's no getting away from the fact that it's a day of preparation. Like Gaudete Sunday or Pancake Day, Puce Wednesday wouldn't exist but for the holiday it precedes. Like those other days, though, there are traditions already connected to the day. Baking the pies. Finding the table linens. Defrosting the turkey too late, so it will turn into a giant fireball in the deep fryer. Trying to fight off the hoarding pigs for the last of the celery. Sitting at your desk doing pre-Black Friday shopping online. Whining if your boss doesn't let you out early, or sneaking out anyway. Getting on the bus from your college town with three bags of laundry. Finding your old pals back from college and closing the bars so you can spend Thursday hurling through all seven courses. Making lists of stuff you want to get on Black Friday, even though you'll be lucky just to get a parking spot. Picking up stoopid relatives at the stoopid airport. Worst, being the stoopid relative who has to fight through everyone else that got guilted into coming home for Thanksgiving, even though you'll have to do it again in less than a month. Yes, there are many longstanding traditions already.

I'd also add the clean-out to get ready for the feast on Thursday. Not a fast; what fun is that? No, I suggest having a couple of bowls of All-Bran cereal for breakfast and for lunch. That ought to clear the decks. Or maybe some big ol' bran muffins. Two of those and you'll be plenty hungry for Mom's dry Thanksgiving turkey the next day. Hell, four of those and you'll be ready for your colonoscopy.

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