Thursday, November 6, 2014

Near classics of literature.


To Have and to Havelock
The dramatic story of a rum-runner who is forced to break the law by running rum to Havelock, North Carolina, from Philadelphia, in order to keep his poodle in Snausages. The book takes a dramatic turn when the Havelockians discover that Prohibition ended ten years earlier. Herman Erminway's finest.
 
Moby-Duck
Melvin Hermville's novel about an ornithologist obsessed with destroying the mallard that nibbled off his pinkie toe.
 
The Iliac
Ancient Greek doctor Krekenes wrote this epic about Achilles' hip bone, and how it was connected to da backbone, da backbone connected to da neck bone, and da neck bone connected to da head bone.
 
East of Edam
A tale by Jim Stockbein that takes place in Wormerveer, east of Edam, wherein the saga of two cheesemaking families re-creates the biblical Book of Deuteronomy. 
 
Vanity Fear
William Makewar Hackery's terrifying novel about two young women who kill people that look nicer than they do.

Treasure Ireland
Lewis Steven Robertson's thrilling tale of treasure hunters who seek riches and glory but wind up in Ireland instead.
 
Last of the Norwegians
The last of Leif Erikson's American colonists is killed in this dull adventure by Finn Coopimore.
 
The Turning of the Shrew
Shakespeare "Shecky" James's comedy of a ghost trying to teach a cranky woman to behave. She has him exorcised.
 
Nicholas Nickelback
Dickie Charles wrote this novel about a young Canadian musician who needs his miserly uncle's help to realize his dream of becoming a cornerback for the Cleveland Browns. Famously turned into a 10-hour Broadway production that also sucked.
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