Friday, November 7, 2014

Things you can't do while wearing a white shirt.

I have a white shirt that I like a lot; it is comfortable, a good fit, and while it requires ironing, it's worth it because it looks very sharp. Of course, I have a complaint. Would I be writing about it if I didn't? Of course not.

The problem is that wearing a white shirt restricts your activities. You know it as well as I do. Put on that shirt, and you become a target. I was once at a convention when I discovered that a pen had decided to become incontinent in the pocket of my favorite white shirt. I ran over to Structures and bought another one, which then became my new favorite white shirt. I had that one until the pits turned pee-yellow. 

In the white shirt.
Here's the list of things that you can't do in a white shirt---a white shirt that you want to keep, at least---that occurred to me the last time I wore mine:
  • put a pen in your pocket
  • drink coffee
  • change a tire
  • drink red wine
  • eat sloppy joes
  • wash dishes
  • eat pancakes 
  • put a pencil in your pocket
  • drink tea
  • eat pasta
  • floss
  • dust
  • carry drinks
  • change the toner
  • put a crayon in your pocket
  • apply makeup
  • wash your face
  • cook
  • drink fruit punch
  • blow your nose
  • change the toner
  • clean anything
  • shave
  • carry food
  • lift your arms
  • eat curry
  • change the oil
  • shine the shoes
  • carry anything that might be dusty
  • go without an undershirt
  • wear an undershirt
  • play with a pet
  • drink a soda
  • bleed
  • brush your teeth
  • sweat
  • eat chocolate ice cream
  • eat pizza
  • eat anything
  • drink anything
Feel free to add any others in comments. But you really could add almost anything. 

Although IBM is coy about it, we all knew back in the 80's that they wore white shirts all the time, even guys who had to fix machines that involved toner. I've only come to admire them more for that over the years as I've wrestled with more and different printers. 

Maybe the futuristic disposable paper clothing we were promised wasn't so dumb after all, although it's hard to imagine a paper shirt as comfortable as my white shirt. Could be that the 3-D printers that have everyone's paper knickers in a twist will provide the answer, though. Then I'll print white shirts and go out of my way to make a mess every day. I'd save and date them---each would be like a journal entry, a record of what messes I got into that day.
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