Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Fried Green Tomato, Fried Green Potato: Lays, Call the Whole Thing Off!

[Note: Today we have an extraordinary guest blogger, the one, the only, Mrs. Key! Who occasionally comments here as Marshmallow. Sometimes when you have a topic that requires great knowledge and depth of learning, you have to turn to the pros. She wrote the article below and the great headline above. --FK]

Based on the title alone, now you know why Mr. Key married me, right? Yes folks, it’s Mrs. Key, making her debut on Vitamin K to review Lays’ latest potato chip test flavor, Fried Green Tomato.

First, why me? No, Tralfaz and Nipper did not finally land Mr. Key in traction, despite their best efforts. I just happen to be the resident connoisseur of potato chips and the only one who’s ever eaten a real fried green tomato. Hence, it made sense for me to do the review. That, and Mr. Key flexed his manly man pecs, popping every button on his button-down Oxford to his navel, swept me into a swoon-worthy embrace, caressed by shell-pink ear with his heated breath, and in his sultry, seductive voice, commanded me to write a review. So here I am.

Let me start by saying these chips don’t suck. They’re actually pretty tasty. Sort of a mix of barbecue and sour cream and onion. While I am a bit of a purist, preferring a good, old-fashioned, salty chip above all others, I’m not above admitting that there are some flavored chips I truly enjoy. Sour cream and onion is a nice change of pace occasionally, and at the risk of having to down a bottle of Tums afterward, I have been tempted to ingest a Family Size bag of salt and vinegar chips. Hmm…I wonder if I took a Tagamet before eating….

But I digress. So yes, the Fried Green Tomato variety are definitely a palate pleaser, and the slight kick of heat that builds in your mouth as you scoff a dozen or so slows you down enough to contemplate sticking to the suggested serving size rather than laughing at it like regular chips do.

But here’s the thing:

BBQ + Sour Cream and Onion + Doritos = No fried green tomato I’ve ever eaten.

If you stacked these three chips and bit à la Pringles (come on, you know you’ve done it), your tongue would not be thanking you for plying it with the delectably fried, hot-flash-inducingly spicy, sharply acidic green tomato doused in sinfully rich crème.

I applaud Lays’ attempt to recreate this gastronomical seasonal delight for those of us in northern climes where fried green tomatoes are now a sigh-evoking summer memory. However, they won’t have you chucking Ninny Threadgoode’s recipe into the hearth any time soon.

A ponderance: Lays opted to apply this flavor to their Wavy chips. Once would initially presume this is to ensure that all the BBQ-sour-cream-onion-Dorito seasoning amply sticks to the chip, thus aiding the imbiber to stick to the serving size. However, that runs contrary to the basic business model of snack manufacturing—make ’em eat till they barf. In fact, it runs contrary to Lays’ own slogan, “Betcha can’t eat just one.” So what nefarious scheme is Lays masterminding in its R&D labs? Could a Lays Crème Dip be on the grocers’ shelves soon???

No comments: