Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Wildebeestial.

Uh, hi. My name is Robby Jonson, that's Jonson with no H, and I'm a wildebeest. I was hoping to talk to you today about a problem that's been concerning me and the other guys for many years, and we were talking about it down at the union hall, and we decided it was time to speak out. The guys all took a vote and I, uh, got elected.

We're pretty sore about that stupid Disney Lion King movie. I know, I know, it's old, but wildebeest are very forgiving, and at first we thought it would flop and go away. Then it became this huge monster hit, and we said, well, it'll be gone soon enough from the theaters. Then the DVD, and that Broadway musical, and the ding-dong thing is still running! Pardon my French, there. I just get a little worked up.

We wildebeest are very angry about how the story makes us look. First of all, we're apparently too stupid to talk, unlike most of the other animals in the movie. Well, heck, I'm talking to you right now, amn't I? See, not so dumb. Second, we're shown like this plague of mindlessness that sweeps down over the veld and tramples everyone. We don't do that! Almost never!


Look at that picture! What are supposed to be, like, Spider-Man? Come on, Disney.

All this supposedly makes us accessories to murder, tools used by Scar to kill the king. Nothing could be further from the truth! We're peaceful, fun-loving folks, not brainless maniacs running amok to be used by evildoers. This is all wrong, Disney.

The worst thing of all is not even the unfair portrayal. The worst is the Circle of Life. And I'm speaking for the antelope here too. They asked us to put in a word about this.

Let's look at this heartless quote from the movie:
Mufasa: Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope. 
Young Simba: But, Dad, don't we eat the antelope? 
Mufasa: Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life. 
Now, what do you see here? That's right: The lion gets to live a full life and die of natural causes, and then turn into grass. The antelope dies in agony with the lion's teeth ripping off his hinder parts!

Sorry about the language, but this is cruelty, plain and simple.

So this is what we herd guys are up against, us, the antelope, the zebras, all the gang. We not only get killed by the lions and stuff, but we're supposed to bow down to this "king" like he's doing something helpful for us, and we're dying with lion teeth in our butts. And it's the so-called Circle of Life. Does this sound like a fair arrangement to you? Doesn't it sound more like the Circle of  Fattening Up the Lions?

Well, we're not taking it anymore. We're all boycotting Disney and we ask you to do the same. Stop the cycle of cruelty! Pray for prey! Herd lives matter!

Thank you.

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