Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Squashed.

As I've noted, there are people about these premises who are terrible coffee addicts, who require a supply of K-Cups throughout the day to produce the writing and editing necessary to keep this grand republic moving forward.

So I made a regular restocking trip to the local Dunkin' Donuts, yesterday, August 30. And then I saw this:


They weren't just loaded with pumpkin K-Cups, which could have been an error for a stock clerk who can't read the calendar. No, here we are, almost a week ahead of Labor Day, and they've gone all-in on the fall flavor. Pumpkin doughnuts, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin Munchkins, Reese's Peanut Butter Squares.

I had to take General Mills to the woodshed for rushing Christmas on Monday, but in a way this is even worse. That box of Chex cereal, as I pointed out, was not going to hit its Sell By date until some time in 2017, so it could be on sale at Christmastime. But today's pumpkin doughnuts are only sold until tonight. Dunkin' Donuts expects you to be in the Halloween spirit today, August 31.

I resent that, DD, and I demand you hide your pumpkin stuff away for at least another three weeks. You think, "We moved a lot of this crap last year; let's start earlier." But people will resist, DD, and burn out, and by the middle of October you'll think you have to bring in the peppermint. You become the snake consuming its own tail, DD, and that's a bad end. (Har!)

You know how good pumpkin looks to me right now, 23 days before the end of summer? As good as it looked for this guy:


Awful things may happen to those who scoff at the seasons in their proper place. Beware, O Dunkin' Donuts! Live by the gourd, die by the gourd!
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