Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Coke and weed.

Last year I objected to Coca-Cola's nickname cans, which I still think was kind of dopey. The full disquisition is here, but in short, I did not wish to drink out of a can that said Sister or Wingman or any of a number of boneheaded things that Coke's people thought would be cute. So there, Coke!

But this summer we apparently must have bad songs shoved upon us:


I am white and apparently old and I had to look it up. So Flo Rida's deathless poesy is staring at me while I drink my Coke Zero. Why? What does this mean? They want me to think of fun music? If this were not surrounded by musical notes I wouldn't know it was musical at all. It's not even a clever line. You get a good feeling? I'm glad for you! Now get off my can.

Other dumb song quotes on cans include "Drop it like it's hot," "You've got a friend in me," and "I'm cool like dat." Well, I'm fluent in English like this, so get your dat out of my fridge.

(Some Australians have already made a list of lyrics they'd rather see on Coke cans [naughty words warning], so I won't add to the list.* And drop it like it's snot.)

In other luxury problems, does this irritate anyone but me?


Something about weeds sprouting up at the curbstone make me run for the Roundup. No one else seems to care; they may have much healthier lawns, rope dragging to get off the clippings, and edging like a billiard table, but they have hippie curbs. As the Coke cans might say: What up wit dat?

So those are my thoughts today on Coke and weed.

Why, what did you think I was going to write about?

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*Well, except for:

"U-Stink-But-I-♥-U"
"I need a little bit of Coca-Cola, I need me a shot of Ron Rico one fifty one"
"Dare to Be Stupid"
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