Thursday, June 9, 2016

Dog-empted.

Oh, I had such an awesome blog entry to write for you today! Full of action, humor, thrills, pithy comments --- lots of pith, actually. I was going to write about grapefruit. Unfortunately, all of that is going to have to wait, because I have a dog, and the dog has a pill.

As I mentioned the other day, the dog is on a new medication. We had noticed that he was listless and off his feed; the vet suggested it might be hypothyroidism. It's common for dogs of his type (big + hairy, would be the type). So she prescribed synthetic thyroid hormone, twice a day. 

Problem is: He takes the pill and goes nuts. 

There's like a 15-30 minute fuse, and then bam! Joe Cool becomes Fussy McDog. 

Part of it is that fun puppy stuff, which is very cute and happy, even if it extends into working hours or bedtime. But part of it is the irritated toddler, which is never good. I'm hungry, I hate food, I want to play with this, I don't want to play with this anymore, I hate this, I have to go out, now I have to nap outside, no you have to stay with me, now I'm hungry again, WAH. And then sometimes it's just slumpy, disgusted teenager. 

Something like that.
Which makes me think about my feud -- well, I hate to call it a feud, really -- my disagreement with comic Jim Gaffigan. As you know, he's the world's most successful comedian right now, who likes to horn in on honest writers trying to make a buck by trading his fame for best-seller list positions when he should be doing his job. But his boorish behavior toward actual writers is not why we're having a tiff, but rather his disdain for the idea that raising a dog is like raising a child. I bring this up to point out to him that my dog on thyroid is like having a teenager and a terrible-twos-toddler combined. So there, Gaffigan! Didn't see that coming, did you? 

Last night was the worst. Poor dog (and I know it's not much fun for him either) completely wore out two grown adult humans. By the time he made his final poop and was, in fact, pooped, so were we. So all my deep thoughts about grapefruit -- pfft! Gone.

And then, guess what? YES! We had to go pee at 1:50 in the morning, followed by poop at 2:15. And when I say we, I promise you I was not doing any of that. I had to chaperone.

Oh, and by the way, yesterday was the day the vet called with the results of the blood test. The new pill has our pup's thyroid hormone levels where they ought to be. He'll be on the pill for at least a year.

Awesome. 


So please excuse the technical difficulties, and if I can remember what I was going to say about grapefruit, or for that matter any citrus fruit, I shall pass on the knowledge another time. I can't let this dog situation get in the way of my pith. 
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