Thank you for letting me join you in your living rooms once again. I am here to discuss another pressing and unfortunate problem that is very very bad and no good for you or your puppies. I am, of course, referring to the shoe menace.
Now, do not misunderstand. I am not saying shoes are a bad thing. I am saying shoes are being terribly misused in our culture.
How?
Thank you for asking!
First of all, they cover up wonderful people feet. People feet that should be free! free to roam! free to run! free to be sniffed by doggies! Feet are among your best features!
"Feat"ures -- that's funny!
People wear entirely too many shoes too often. You all know that puppies have excellent instincts, right? Everyone says so. Well, you know what we think of wearing shoes? Look at this documentary footage!
Hey, "foot"age -- that's funny too!
Anyway, that is not all the problem with the shoes. We pups don't think you should never wear them. We mainly think you wear them for too long. Just when you have a pair nice and ripe, you go and wear them again. You have this weird idea that your shoes should last eight or nine months or even more. And then you won't let your faithful little chum enjoy shoes the way they should be enjoyed, like rawhide or gum.
So, friends, the next time you carelessly put shoes on your feet, please think of the fuzzy little friend who likes to sit at them. He loves your feet as they are. He loves your shoes as they are. He's not so crazy about the shoes on the feet. See where we're going with this?
Let me leave you with this one thought:
Don't cover up those stinky feet
And don't deny your dog the treat
Of shoes.
This has been a public service announcement from the dog.
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