PSA from the dog #7.

Hello, friends. It is I once again. The dog. As in the past, I ask for just a moment of your time, your consideration, and maybe cheese.

As we know, today is July the Fourth, easily remembered because it is one day after July the Third. It is also an important American holiday, even to those of us in the Canine-American community. We enjoy the jolly get-togethers, the barbecues and picnics with dropped food, the many games that dogs can join in on, like that one where people stand around in a diamond and go crazy when a doggie playfully steals the little white ball. So much fun!

But there is one thing about this holiday that we dogs do not like, and that is your insistence on blowing things up. That is bad! Why would you do something that is bad? Don't you know that the exploding things frighten dogs? It's true!

When the things are blowing up you look kind of scared too, you know, like you don't want to be hit with them. I'll bet that would hurt! Maybe you should stop with that stuff!

Remember, the pain you save may be your own. Look at this famous clip. The poor doggie is not trying to hurt anyone; he just wanted to play with the stick. But then all the people run around like chickens as it fires at their feet. Not so fun when the shoot is on the other foot!

Even when you are blowing things up way in the sky, where it is not quite as dangerous, we doggies cannot understand the appeal. So there's a bunch of gray lights. Big deal. It's not like the stuff smells good. And the sound is awful! I cannot tell you just how loud that noise is to our sensitive ears. It is terrifying! It is like thunder times ten! That sensitive hearing that helps us find Timmy in the well or hear Sweet Polly Purebred call for help is the same sensitive hearing that gets us all scared and upset. Can't you find another way to celebrate this big holiday? Something less explosive? Maybe something more cheese-oriented? I hear you have a lot of cheese just lying around.

To sum up, we dogs ask is that you bear in mind this simple thought:

Before you start to blow things up
Remember that it makes your pup
Scared. 

This has been a public service announcement from the dog.

PSA from the dog #6.

Hello, friends. Once again it is me. The dog. As usual, I ask for but a moment of your time.

A serious issue has come to my attention. Apparently some of you are having children when you should be adopting dogs. This is a matter of grave concern to the Canine-American community.

I do not wish to sound like I dislike children. Nothing could be further from the truth! Children are some of my favorite people. They are small and cute. Sometimes they smell great! We doggies usually love them, even ones that pull our tails or whiskers or ears or stick fingers in our heinies -- you know, not really crazy about the heinie thing. But they are usually very friendly to dogs, giving us pats and love, and they often slip us food, which is very good. So I and my canine chums agree that children are all right.

The thing is, it seems that some people who would make perfectly okay dog owners are instead having children. "Oh, a doggie is too much responsibility," they say (probably). "I think I will just give birth instead." Maybe even, "I am simply too lazy to have a dog. I will have offspring."

This is wacky kind of thinking! Trust me, your dog will turn out to be a lot more helpful than a baby. Babies just lie there and do nothing, unlike dogs who do... Well, if a burglar came into the house, I promise you, you would not see the baby hanging off the naughty man's leg by his teeth!

What's more, children continue to be helpless and stupid much longer than puppies do. I don't want to name names, but I have heard of some able-bodied humans who remain helpless and stupid as adults. Do you want to take a chance on that?

To bolster my point, I would like to list these reasons why dogs are better to have around than children.

1) You don't have to buy a dog clothes. (You can, but you don't have to.)

2) A dog will never steal your car. (Well, almost  never.)

3) Dogs do not require Back-to-School sales.

4) Many dogs are soft and fuzzy. Babies may be soft but are never fuzzy.

5) Pee on lawn vs. pee in pants: no-brainer.

So before you do something rash like get hold a human child, think of the many benefits of dogs. And if you must get children into your house somehow, first get that dog to help you out. Your sweet canine buddy will gladly assist in raising your wee one. We will keep an eye on him while you do dishes. We will play with him so he gets exercise. We will help him dispose of unwanted dinner foods. The list is endless.

All we pups ask is that you bear in mind this simple thought:

Dogs may fuss and chew up bones
But never need to take out loans
For college. 

This has been a public service announcement from the dog.

PSA from the dog #5.

Hello, friends! It is me, the dog. It has been a long while since I have made any important public service announcements. Things have been pretty good. But an alarming fact has recently come to light that requires canine input immediately!

I personally have surpassed the age of 21, at least in dog years, and I was under the impression that this would mean I am now eligible to vote. But not so! I have been informed to my dismay that dogs are not allowed to vote regardless of their age! Color this puppy shocked... and sad!

How can this be, in a land as great as America? Why cannot doggies allow their voices to be heard?

Do not think that the freedom to bark at every passing car and pedestrian is adequate to our need to have our voices heard. Oh, no! Doggies have many concerns that should be addressed at the ballot box! You are always going on about nonsense like healthcare and infrastructure and funding for arts and things. We have some real concerns! Here are just a few of the concerns that we will demand to vote on:

QUESTION: Shall puppies be allowed to eat liverwurst no matter what Papa says? 

NO ❌ YES ✅

QUESTION: Shall puppies be allowed a say in whether they get any "operations"?

NO ❌ YES ✅

QUESTION: Shall puppies be convicted of being "naughty" without trial, especially
since we did not actually steal the liverwurst?

NO ✅ YES ❌

QUESTION: Shall puppies be allowed in the yard to play even if they have been
so-called "naughty dogs"?

NO ❌ HECK YES ✅

So you see, fair is fair! Puppies demand the right to vote on such pressing matters of the day!

I submit to you, friends, that this demand must be met or else we may have no choice but to engage in sit-down strikes. You will see us just lying around doing nothing, instead of what we usually do. Do you want to take a chance on that? I think not!

Allow me to leave you with this reminder:

Denying pups the vote or veto?
Think how naughty you must be to
Dogs.

This has been a public service announcement from the dog.

You don't want to see the wart.

Just a friendly reminder that May is National Skin Cancer Detection and Prevention Month (also known as Skin Cancer Awareness Month). Know your alphabet!

PSA from the dog #4.

Hello, friends. It's me again. The dog.

Thank you for letting me join you in your living rooms once again. I am here to discuss another pressing and unfortunate problem that is very very bad and no good for you or your puppies. I am, of course, referring to the shoe menace.

Now, do not misunderstand. I am not saying shoes are a bad thing. I am saying shoes are being terribly misused in our culture.

How?

Thank you for asking!

First of all, they cover up wonderful people feet. People feet that should be free! free to roam! free to run! free to be sniffed by doggies! Feet are among your best features!

"Feat"ures -- that's funny!

People wear entirely too many shoes too often. You all know that puppies have excellent instincts, right? Everyone says so. Well, you know what we think of wearing shoes? Look at this documentary footage!

Hey, "foot"age -- that's funny too!

Anyway, that is not all the problem with the shoes. We pups don't think you should never wear them. We mainly think you wear them for too long. Just when you have a pair nice and ripe, you go and wear them again. You have this weird idea that your shoes should last eight or nine months or even more. And then you won't let your faithful little chum enjoy shoes the way they should be enjoyed, like rawhide or gum.

So, friends, the next time you carelessly put shoes on your feet, please think of the fuzzy little friend who likes to sit at them. He loves your feet as they are. He loves your shoes as they are. He's not so crazy about the shoes on the feet. See where we're going with this?

Let me leave you with this one thought:

Don't cover up those stinky feet
And don't deny your dog the treat
Of shoes.

This has been a public service announcement from the dog.

PSA from the dog #3.

Hello, friends. It's me, coming to you once again: the dog.

Friends, I would like to talk to you about a disturbing trend that has come up recently. I am, of course, referring to the popularity of the video that has been making the rounds on your Internet. The one of the rat carrying off a slice of pizza.

Those of you with sensitive stomachs may want to look away:

Isn't that revolting? And yet this has been seen by millions of people. Counting you just now, millions + 1!

People seem to think it is cute. It is not cute. Rats are just squirrels with skinny tails and worse habits. Do not be fooled!

Friends, rather than watching this unhygienic spectacle of a rat stealing cheese, why not keep your cheese safe by giving it to your dog? It doesn't have to be on a pizza, although that might be okay, especially with bacon. Your doggie will be so happy, and he will only eat as much as you give him. He will not drag a whole pizza to some hidey hole and share it with cockroaches. He will eat it all. Because your cheerful little chum loves cheese.

Some people will say that cheese is bad for dogs, especially in large amounts. Some people say it is even dangerous. We dogs say: Shut up! How would you know what is good for dogs? You are not dogs. You do not understand us! Go stick cheese in your ear, Mr. Busybody! Cheese is good!

Cheese, in fact, builds better pup bodies 8 ways. There's calcium, and protein, and... And some more. I forget. I can't count that high. I'm a dog!

But I do know that rats are evil and gross, and dogs are sweet and cute. Therefore take your cheese away from the rats and give it to the dogs.

Thank you for listening, friends! And remember:

Don't give food to icky rats
Puppy loves the tasty treat that's
Cheese.

This has been a public service announcement from the dog.

PSA from the dog #2.

Hello, friends. It's me again. The dog.

Friends, I'd like to talk to you today about a horrible scourge that is destroying civilization. I am, of course, referring to this:

Yes, the "No Dogs" sign. Placed there to tell you that your playful little chum, your furry little companion, is not welcome at this establishment. That they hate your fuzzy little buddy so much they would draw a red circle line thingie over him.

What kind of a mean person would do a thing like that?

Friends, let's face it: Hard as it is to believe, some people don't like dogs. They don't understand how important it is to have your wee merry canine pal with you! They say, "No dogs in restaurants, you stupid dog lover!" They say, "Remove that beast from the library, you illiterate nincompoop!" They say, "Hey! This is the operating room! Get that dog out of here!"

How can they expect you to recover from your surgery without your puppy to cheer you? To remind you how much he needs you? Don't they know dogs help people recover from trauma and nuttiness? It's true! Purina says so!

Friends, we pups would never suggest you go and actually punch restaurant owners, health inspectors, supermarket managers, allergists, and other anti-dog types in the nose. We just ask you, with our soulful puppy eyes, to not frequent such establishments that post signs like the one above. In time, maybe they'll come around. Or we can bite them.

Thank you for listening friends! And remember:

A no-dogs sign you should see 
Then send your dog to go and pee 
On it. 

This has been a public service announcement from the dog.

PSA from the dog #1.

Hello, friends. It's me. The dog.

Friends, I'd like to ask you to think about your doors. Sure, you like doors. They keep things in. They keep things out. But have you considered the high cost of doors?

That's right -- every day millions of dogs find themselves on the wrong side of doors, and there is nothing they can do with their cute li'l paws to help themselves.

They want to go out; they're stuck in. They want to go in; they're stuck out. Completely helpless against the oppression of the doors. Poor pups!

What can you do about it? Well, you can start by getting rid of all your own doors! Then your doggie can roam about freely, a happy little chap. Is that too much to do for your friendly canine companion?

Why not start today? Just take down a couple of doors. Maybe to the backyard! Maybe to the toilet! You'll see immediately how much happier your dog will be.

Tell your neighbors about it! Even if they don't have dogs of their own, they'd surely love impromptu visits from your own fuzzy pal. Who wouldn't?

Thank you for listening friends! And remember:

Every time you use a door 
You make your doggie more and more. 
Sad. 

This has been a public service announcement from the dog.