Saturday, June 21, 2014

Wilted.

Basketball great Wilt Chamberlain lived from August 21, 1936 to October 12, 1999. He famously scored 100 points in a game against the New York Knicks* on March 2, 1962. He also famously claimed in his autobiography to have scored with 20,000 women. 

I'm still boggled by the math here. 

Look: Thanks to the date calculator on timeanddate.com, Chamberlain lived exactly 23,062 days. That's 2,505 less than the three score and ten years set out in Psalm 90, but 1,062 more set out by the Moody Blues. However, for our purposes, we have to restrict ourselves to the number of Wilt's days after he hit puberty. Since he was a fine looking man and very tall, let's say he started getting crazy busy on his thirteenth birthday. That would be 18,314 days from his thirteenth birthday until the day he died. Which means he bedded 1.09 women a day every day from his thirteenth birthday until the day the final whistle blew.

Madison Square Garden only seats 18,200. If you filled it up with Wilt's conquests there would be 1,800 women standing out on West 34th Street. 

I'm tired just thinking about it. 


It's that extra .09 that throws me. It means that every eleventh or twelfth day Wilt had to go find a brace of babes instead of just one.

King Solomon was supposed to be a big deal with 700 wives. Plus 300 concubines. Good thing he had people working for him, because that means he had to come up with a nice birthday present three times a day. But even Solomon did not get the action and variety of Wilt Chamberlain.

My real point in bringing this up is that I have to wonder what happened to all the gals. They didn't just disappear. Assuming Wilt's girlfriends were his contemporaries or younger, but none underage, they ones still around would be between the ages of 78 and 33 now. There could be thousands of ol' ladies running around with a secret smile, remembering a certain not-repeated encounter with a tall handsome fellow who played basketball, once upon a time.

So... what was YOUR grandma up to back in the day, hmm?

*Which any Knick fan would tell you just figures.

**Not to mention 700 mothers-in-law. Which is why guys don't run around with 700 wives anymore.
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