Fred talks about writing, food, dogs, and whatever else deserves the treatment.
Wednesday, November 13, 2024
Cards for kids.
Wednesday, October 30, 2024
Eat the children!
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| The Angel of Death prepares to bite the head off a little girl |
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| How can a ghost have stitches? I always heard "Witches get stitches." Or something like that. |
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| Stack o' skulls and the Murder Clown Acrobatic Team |
Friday, October 25, 2024
Scary time.
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| Hallowhine |
Saturday, September 30, 2023
Little Pete.
Wednesday, July 19, 2023
Aaaahhh, freak out!
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I come from a long line of worriers. They had a lot to worry them. Many fled poverty in Europe, working hard in America to be Americans, pushing back the fear of famine and freeze with every push of a mop or swing of a hammer. Fathers died too young, leaving their families in disarray and terror. The national economy tanked. World Wars broke out. Recessions, depressions, lost babies, feuds, failed businesses. Worry, worry, worry.
One fine day in winter some Ants were busy drying their store of corn, which had got rather damp during a long spell of rain. Presently up came a Grasshopper and begged them to spare her a few grains, "For," she said, "I'm simply starving." The Ants stopped work for a moment, though this was against their principles. "May we ask," said they, "what you were doing with yourself all last summer? Why didn't you collect a store of food for the winter?" "The fact is," replied the Grasshopper, "I was so busy singing that I hadn't the time." "If you spent the summer singing," replied the Ants, "you can't do better than spend the winter dancing." And they chuckled and went on with their work.
Aye, aye, Aesop.
Also: Ants are jerks, but we all know that.
The problem is, worry has no internal stopping mechanism. Once you engage the worry, there's always something it can find to act upon. That's where I run into trouble. Everything may be looking rosy, but there's always some possibility you can dread, and if all else fails there's death and taxes.
Alcohol used to be a good solution, but it ended up causing even more worries. So now I just have to find a healthier means of dealing with it.
When they say: If you're gonna worry, why pray? If you're gonna pray, why worry? And I say:
Well, I say, you're right. But it'll always be like a second language to me, because my people were worrier kings from ancient times. 😨😱👑
Friday, January 13, 2023
Horrors of January.
Friday, September 9, 2022
Panic sandwich.
...while everyone feels stress at times, reactions to stress can be different for women and men.In general, women are more likely to think and talk about what is causing stress. Women also are more likely to reach out to others for support and seek to understand the sources of their stress.Men typically respond to stress using distraction. And men often engage in physical activities that can offer an escape from thinking about a stressful situation.
Sunday, June 12, 2022
Terror in the streets!
Monday, May 30, 2022
Valor.
Valor is a word one doesn't hear much anymore, not even in connection with those who have demonstrated it unquestionably. Funny thing, isn't it?
Courage may be in short supply these days, but it isn't one of those virtues (like chastity or temperance) that have been diminished to ridicule in popular culture. What it has been diminished to is badassery. The badass is the kind of hero we celebrate now.
"Well, Fred," you probably are not saying (because you're not a dummy), "the badass and the person of valor are both fearless in the face of opposition. Ain't no difference."
Oh, yes, my fine straw-filled person, there is a huge difference, as we shall see.
Valor, according to Merriam-Webster, means "strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness : personal bravery." Badass, however, is defined as "ready to cause or get into trouble : MEAN," or "of formidable strength or skill." This is a world of difference, the difference between the men who manned up (yes, manned up, sue me) who stormed Omaha Beach and the Mary Sue of fiction, who is never really in danger because she's such a badass no one can lay a glove on her. Slay KA-WEEN!
The badass in modern nomenclature may not be mean, but definitely knows how to pick the right targets, generally those constrained by law or integrity from pulverizing them. The valiant, on the other hand, have little say in what targets they will strike, and many of them will be remembered today because the targets turned out to be unassailable. The badass, then, is little more than a kid putting on Hulk gloves and trying to beat up Daddy, while the valiant are able to steel themselves in the face of death itself.
But even more important than that, the badass is usually only fighting for his own interests. It’s always about one’s own glory, never about being part of something more important. To the badass, the self is the most important thing.
P.J. O'Rourke wrote:
I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.
God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club.
Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. He's always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and who's been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without the thought of quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.
And for that matter, the fallen heroes of America that we mourn today exist, while the badass, in all his or her movie and TV glory, does not.
Monday, May 23, 2022
Off to the doc.
| "Hey, see y'all at eight tomorrow!" |
| "You got it, Mister Doctor! See you tomorrow night!" |
| "Tomorrow MORNING, dummy!" |
Saturday, April 2, 2022
Up, up, and argh!
A friend of mine lives in a condo complex near a big field where they occasionally host balloon festivals. Not the kind of balloon you tie to a kid's wrist, or the kind you bend into weird animal shapes, but the big hot-air kind that send you up in the sky in a little basket.
I don't know that my friend has ever attended the festival, but he hasn't had to, since a couple of times the festival has attended him. Balloon landings in the street, in the backyard, in the development’s common areas -- and since these festivals start early in the morning on weekends, that can be quite a sight to wake up to.
Sunday, March 6, 2022
Spiders from Mars.
There we were, complaining about 2020, as if once we got through that stupid and miserable year everything would be better. Instead we got worse government, psychotic Russian warmongering, Canadian dictatorship (!), and now, gigantic parachuting spiders.
I get the feeling that this decade is going to suck pretty hard all the way to the end.
The spiders in question are the Joro spider, a brightly colored nightmare that comes to us from Asia, like so many bad and really weird things. According to the New York Post, from whence I borrowed the alarming photo below, "The massive Joro spider, an invasive species from Asia, has descended on southern states — particularly Georgia and South Carolina — and is now due to spread rapidly to Alabama, according to the University of Georgia’s Odum School of Ecology."
Surely such a huge bug would never survive our northern winters, right? That's for tropical places, the price they pay (along with cyclones) for gorgeous weather. But no, according to spiderologists: "The spiders were exposed to below-freezing temperatures for minutes at a time — about as long as they’d need to find a warm place to hide."
And what's this about parachuting?
"Indeed, bug-watchers have spotted the Joro using their webs as parachutes, transporting them by wind."
Uh-huh.
I'm not a victim of arachnophobia, in that I am not panicked thinking about spiders or go into frozen terror looking at one. I know what phobias feel like, being inclined to acrophobia, and my feeling about giant spiders is not like that. However, I have a strong repulsion from giant spiders, and this one looks particularly bad. The Joro has a minor venom that isn't a real danger to humans, unless one has an allergic reaction.
I do not intend to let one of these bastards get close enough to me to find out.
Research scientist Andy Davis says, “People should try to learn to live with them. If they’re literally in your way, I can see taking a web down and moving them to the side, but they’re just going to be back next year.”
And I say: No. I say: I'm going to murder every one that I see. I say: These arachnid sons of bitches had better turn out to be a bigger bust than the murder hornets. And if not, I say: Nuke them from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Thursday, April 8, 2021
We're doomed! Again!
Tsunami of Death and Disability to Follow Pandemic?
As a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, the United States will likely face a tsunami of death and disability from common chronic diseases that will affect society for decades, Robert Califf, MD, former commissioner of the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA), writes in an article published today in Circulation.
Califf says the impending tsunami of chronic health conditions — with cardiometabolic diseases, including heart disease, obesity, hypertension, and type 2 diabetes at the crest — demands swift and comprehensive action.
The authors of an accompanying commentary note that the healthcare system has risen to the challenge of three simultaneous pandemics — COVID-19, economic disruption, and social injustice — even as many inherent fragilities have been exposed.
Saturday, March 20, 2021
Sunday, March 14, 2021
Sprang ahead.
Tuesday, November 10, 2020
House arrest.
An elderly friend of mine is going absolutely out of his mind.
He has a wife with an advanced autoimmune disease, and she has begged him through this Chinese Death Virus crisis not to leave the house.
They're getting the groceries and prescriptions delivered. A guy leaves them on the porch and they hustle them in like smugglers.
That's all they see. Friends, family have to stay away. No nurses, no barbers, no trips to the doctor. She's deathly afraid, and so neither of them has gone farther than that porch since March.
And my friend is going batty.
Our medical boffins at the CDC are aware of this situation. They know that people are missing necessary medical exams and procedures because of their fear of the Chinese COVID. On October 20, the agency reported, "Overall, an estimated 299,028 excess deaths occurred from late January through October 3, 2020, with 198,081 (66%) excess deaths attributed to COVID-19. The largest percentage increases were seen among adults aged 25–44 years and among Hispanic or Latino persons."
So at that time 198,081 deaths were attributed to COVID-19, leaving 100,947 others that would not have statistically been expected to die but did. To what do they attribute these other deaths, a group larger than the population of Bend, Oregon, all by itself?
The study spends a lot more time breaking the data down by race (God, I am sick of race) and poverty and whatnot than giving us any conclusions, but they sort of blame "disruptions to health care," of which there were certainly plenty. The word "fear" doesn't appear in the study, but it should, as in "People who need health care to stay alive were paralyzed by FEAR by the endless media drumbeat and the horrible overestimates of deaths expected from this plague of indistinct origin, so they didn't go for help when they needed it and died."
I certainly doubt that a statistically large segment of these excess deaths were caused by people driving like idiots because the traffic was so light last April. I know we've all been flying by the seat of our pants through this thing, CDC, but you have not covered yourselves in glory, though you act as if you have.
If my elderly friend and his wife or both die in that house of any cause other than the Wuhan Flu this winter, I'm blaming you, CDC.
One last note: I heard that His Fraudulency, the presumptive president-elect, was thinking of getting our governor, Sonny Corleone Cuomo, to be his Secretary of State. Well, that's nice. We'd be glad to be rid of him. And he'd fit right in. Cuomo already bent over for the Chinese at least once this year, trying to call the Chinese Death Virus the "European Virus," so he'll fit right in with the Biden administration's prostration toward the new Evil Empire. The only people Cuomo can be tough with are grandmas in nursing homes, to whom he sent infected people, like smallpox-coated blankets.
Saturday, October 31, 2020
Peak 2020?
Well, here we are. Halloween at last. The horrors of the year are all concentrated on Halloween.
But no! It's not just Halloween! There's a full moon tonight as well.
Decorations showing witches and black cats aside, this is not very common. The next full moon on Halloween will occur in 2039.
But wait! It's also a blue moon, meaning the second full moon this October. This also is not that common; the next blue moon will be August 2023. So all those things that happen once in a blue moon are on the way.
But it's also the Hunter's Moon, because the last full moon was the Harvest Moon. It's also called the Blood Moon, because it's time to kill all the creatures fattening up for winter. And maybe, since it's on Halloween, humans too. Sounding more threatening yet?
But wait! There's more! It's a full moon on Halloween on a Saturday! How often does that happen? Not often -- I am told the next one is scheduled for 2172. Don't make plans.
But wait! Again! We also have a mini-moon circling the Earth, which we picked up some time during this annus horribilis of 2020. They call it 2020 SO, as in "2020 I am SO sick of you." No doubt it will act as a force multiplier for whatever other bad juju is in the air.
AND we're pushing the clocks back tonight as Daylight Savings ends, meaning whatever happens tonight, we'll get an extra hour of it.
AND we have the Biggest Election EVAH in a couple of days that could mean the END OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.
AND WE STILL HAVE CHINESE DEATH VIRUS AND STUPID RIOTERS HAUNTING OUR STREETS.
So, I think I'm going back to bed. See you in November.
Wednesday, October 28, 2020
Fred's Book Club: Ghosts.
Welcome to our Halloween edition of the Humpback Writers book feature! Even now there are no humpbacks or hunchbacks or anything of the kind, and it is a mean thing to call people who deal with the condition. But it is Hump Day, and the one before Halloween, so we have a spooky book for you. Probably the only spooky book that was published with an introduction by T.S. Eliot.
She was standing on Westminster Bridge. It was twilight, but the City was no longer dark. The street lamps along the Embankment were still dimmed, but in the buildings shutters and blinds and curtains had been removed or left undrawn, and the lights were coming out there like the first faint stars above. Those lights were the peace. It was true that formal peace was not yet in being; all that had happened was that fighting had ceased. The enemy, as enemy, no longer existed and one more crisis of agony was done. Labor, intelligence, patience -- much need for these; and much certainty of boredom and suffering and misery, but no longer the sick vigils and daily despair.
The conflict which is the theme of every one of Williams's novels, is not merely the conflict between good and bad men, in the usual sense. No one was less confined to conventional morality, in judging good and bad behavior, than Williams: his mortality is that of the Gospels. He sees the struggle between Good and Evil as carried on, more or less blindly, by men and women who are often only the instruments of higher or lower powers, but who always have the freedom to choose to which powers they will submit themselves. Simon, in this story, is a most austere ascetic, but he is evil; Evelyn is a woman who appears too insignificant, too petty in her faults, to be really "bad," but yet, just because she is no more than pettiness, she delivers herself willingly into the hand of evil.
Furthermore, Williams's writing on the experience of the supernatural is truly unique, as Eliot explains:
I have already tried to indicate the unity between the man and the work; and it follows that there is a unity between his works of very different kinds. Much of his work may appear to realize its form only imperfectly; but it is also true in a measure to say that Williams invented his own forms -- or to say that no form, if he had obeyed all its conventional laws, could have been satisfactory for what he wanted to say. What it is, essentially, that he had to say, comes near to defying definition. It was not simply a philosophy, a theology, or a set of ideas: it was primarily something imaginative.
This is true, and something I have seen time and again in Williams's work. Take this simple passage from All Hallows' Eve:
She made a third effort and again she heard from her own mouth only the flat voice of the dead. She was possessed by it. Death, it seemed, was not over; it had only just begun. She was dying further. She could not call; presently she would not be able to speak; then not to see -- neither the high stars nor the meaningless lights -- yet still, though meaningless, faintly metropolitan. But she would find even this pale light too much, and presently would creep away from it towards one of those great open entrances that loomed here and there, for inside she could hide from the light.
He writes as if he has experienced these things personally, like a man desperately trying to communicate this in all his books to those of us tied down with the mundane work of living -- a Lazarus "come from the dead, / Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all." His novels are characterized with these passages, some nearly impenetrable because they can be so hard to grasp -- because they grasp what to us is the ungraspable.
So I have to say I've never enjoyed Williams's books the way I've enjoyed others, because they are a lot of work, and even then I feel like I've never quite been able to tune him in. And yet it is rewarding. All Hallows' Eve has a remarkable spiritual struggle, unlike any I've seen in any other ghost story, even the (to me overpraised) Henry James novel The Turn of the Screw.
A Reader's Guide to Fantasy (by Searles, Meacham, and Franklin) sums Charles Williams up very well thus: "In his books he demonstrates a deep knowledge and understanding of traditional magical theories and implements, and invests them all with power as symbols of an absolute reality which underlies the manifest reality of the visible world."
Of Williams's books, I think War in Heaven is my favorite, mainly because it centers around the Holy Grail. The Greater Trumps is one of the more readable, and in spots terrifying. There is a scene in Many Dimensions regarding the Seal of Solomon that made me almost jump up in shock. And Descent into Hell is not only one of the scariest books I've ever read, but one of the most aptly titled books as well.
If you are prepared to work for your ghost story, All Hallows' Eve is as good as it gets. But Charles Williams is never light reading, although he can be enlightening reading.
Monday, August 10, 2020
Fear and loathing.
Must be. This picture was taken in the supermarket last Thursday.
Eek. Glow-in-the-dark monster toys inside Kinder Joy eggs. That doesn't sound too summery, does it?
Nope, we've clearly skipped the bulk of August and the totality of September and dropped right into Halloween country.
But maybe it's just candy, right? They have to make their money where they can, and summer's not a big candy time like Easter and Christmas. So they push the envelope a little, so what?
Oh yeah, strawman-who-is-probably-a-Halloween-scarecrow? This was in the supermarket Saturday:
So pumpkin spice has begun its annual sprinkle onto anything and everything. Pumpkin spice cereals, muffins, pancakes, deli meats, condoms, whatever. Like MacArthur, it has returned.
The year seemed to be dragging quite a bit until I saw this stuff. It still felt like March. Now suddenly it feels like it's going to be Christmas in no time, and we'll have endured a year of lockdown-drag-out fights over masks and money and the damned Chinese Death Virus. Instead of being stuck in time, I feel like it's been a huge waste of it. And that's unnerving. Because whatever you think about time, we each only have so much of it.
So that seemed pretty scary. And then I was on the highway, and New York scared me again:
Sunday, July 12, 2020
Sleeping in the fridge.
But you regular readers also know I am obsessed with having a clean refrigerator. Not that I always keep it clean, but I often sit around and think about keeping it clean, which strangely does not automatically make it so.
Further, this cleanliness has been difficult, since my back started up last summer and continued until the winter crisis. No one else in the house is interested in doing the job, except the dogs, but they can just lick the inside and only about halfway up.
So yesterday I rolled up the ol' sleeves -- metaphorically; I was in short sleeves already, which would have hurt -- and got in there and got to it. I had picked up tips from expert Schar Ward, and from Mrs. Key fave Melissa Maker, but it looks like I have pretty much been doing a good and efficient job already. And, a couple of hours later, done!
It looks good. Plus, we set a new record for fewest condiments that had to get thrown away with four. It would have been two, the ones that expired, but the onion relish and the maple chipotle BBQ sauce were pretty bad and I finally gave up on finding a use for them.
How did I get motivated? It was that or work. I have a book sitting here that I'm supposed to edit, and it's not long or dull or bad, but it is focused on a subject that irritates me. So I told myself if I was not going to use my time to make money, I would have to use it to clean. Generally I am a creature motivated by fear, so sometimes I have to make deals to set priorities.
The problem is, as I mentioned before, the duloxetine makes me drowsy quite a bit -- two-naps-a-day type drowsy. I can usually fight off a nap with coffee, but following the fridge job I wanted two things very much: 1) a parade and 2) a second nap. And not in that order. Further, I often wake in the night and have trouble getting back to sleep.
I'll be talking with the doc later in the month to see if I should consider coming off the pills. Today I have exactly two things I need to do beyond my usual duties, neither of them difficult, but the idea of doing them makes me want to sleep now. I hope I can make it to the sofhkghjk

















