Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Cards for kids.

I saw an ad for some kind of tea online, an ad that tried to hit all those FOMO buttons. Each loving leaf of this tea was carefully curated by twelfth-generation tea growers in their paradisical tea garden in Teadonia blah blah blah. It occurred to me that so much of Internet advertising is essentially trying to find a way to get you to pay five bucks for a teabag. Because if you don't, you're missing out, you don't know what good tea is, and you're a loser. 


I mentioned to my wife that the young adults who might fall for this kind of appeal are likely the same ones who complain that they are unable to pay back their student loans. She raised an excellent point about a real hole in their education, one I would like to share today. 

But first, I want to say that I do sympathize with kids getting hammered by student loans. Colleges have become obscenely overpriced in the last thirty years, using guaranteed loans to guarantee themselves enormous raises while continuing to promote the idea that the only path to a fulfilling career is through their gold-plated doors. Knowing that much of college teaching is provided by underpaid adjuncts, we all should be asking: What the hell are you bastards doing with the money? That's all beside the point, but I wanted to note that I am aware college debt has gotten out of control since I was a fresh-faced undergrad. 

Now: To business! 

My wife and I were talking about the days when we lived in a much more cash-centric society. You could not put anything from an impromptu piano purchase to the change for the air machine to inflate your tires on plastic. Sure, some places took credit cards, fewer took ATM cards, and some people still wrote checks at the supermarket. For everything else, you got some cash and that was it until the next trip to the bank. 

This, as my wife put it, is why young adults now don't think through the ramifications of overpriced tea and the like. The junior varsity credit and debit cards they were given as kids, the ones that were supposed to teach them to manage money, removed the crushing fear of being caught short in a difficult spot. In our youth it was: No cash? No taxi. No cash? No Big Mac. Didn't bring your checkbook? Better not spend too much on the groceries or you'll have to make the Return Request of Shame. ("Um... Can I put the steaks? And the Frusen Glädjé? And the, er, toilet paper?") I prided myself on keeping a running estimate as I went, and I don't think I ever got caught short. 

Fear is a great motivator and can be a great teacher. You can learn about the wonders of store brands, the importance of learning to sew, the glory of not paying $65 for a pair of adult booties from Bombas. But when you're not thinking about the money you're spending and counting on that high limit and overdraft protection, you may feel fearless -- but it may be a whole different feeling when the texts from the bank and credit card company start pinging on your phone.


I never really thought those starter credit cards were a great idea. Better to open a savings account for the squirt and actually put cash into it. Yeah, the interest the banks give on savings is so poor these days that it actually counts as an insult, but that's not the point. The point is learning the value of money and why it's important to be careful with it. 

Insert obligatory final line here, wishing that Washington would learn the same lesson. Well, I can dream, can't I?

Wednesday, October 30, 2024

Eat the children!

Sometimes I wonder if people celebrating Halloween even want trick-or-treaters to show up at their door. The little kids, anyway. The yard decorations are absolutely horrifying, and a long ways from the stuff that was around even twenty years ago. 

The Angel of Death prepares to bite the head off a little girl

 
How can a ghost have stitches?
I always heard "Witches get stitches."
Or something like that.

Stack o' skulls and the Murder Clown
Acrobatic Team

I realize that compared to a lot of over-the-top yard displays, these folks are barely more than a papier-mâché pumpkin and a green witch Glitter Plaque. But I think when I was a little kid I would have had to at least screw up my courage, maybe shut my eyes and run to the front door -- less for the candy than from the greater fear of being labeled a chicken or a baby. 

Skeletons scared me when I was a boy, I can admit now, and no rational discussion of the utility and importance of human bone structure could cure me of it. I went through a phase where every time I had to turn a light on in a dark room, I anticipated a skeleton waiting for me. I never told anyone, and God help the kid with that same phobia today, because there are plenty of lifelike skeletons to be had for prank purposes. Fortunately, after a couple hundred skeletonless light engagements, I stopped worrying about it. But let's just say that having a vivid imagination is not an unmixed blessing. 

The other confession I have to make is, scary as this stuff is, it was nothing compared to the shooting gallery illustration. This "fun" bit of artwork was in an arcade, either in Seaside Heights or Coney Island -- I have not been able to find it online -- and featured an idiot man with a rifle barrel turned backward, as happened in Looney Tunes many times. But instead of just being blackened with gunpowder, the rifle had blown a hole in his head and a hole in the abdomen of the woman behind him. Both reacted with some surprise. I could not look at it; it would ruin my day if I did. The concept of "body horror" was not so well known then, but that was how it affected me. What made it really sickening (like, made me want to throw up the contents of my mind) was that it was supposed to be funny. 

Maybe I was the weird kid, I don't know. But to my credit, no matter how scared I was, I would get up to every door on Halloween to demand my candy. I could not back down in front of my peers. Plus, candy comes first on Halloween. The pumpkins and ghosts and the rest are really an add-on. You gotta get the good stuff.  

Friday, October 25, 2024

Scary time.

For little American kids, the journey from the start of school in the fall to the next big event, Halloween, takes approximately eight years. Not so for adults. 

Hallowhine

As wise person once noted that life is like a roll of toilet paper; the further into it you are, the faster it goes. There's no better example than seeing how quickly life moves for adults than children. As I've noted here before, how could it be otherwise? For a man of fifty, one year is 1/50th of his entire life; for a kid of four, it's an entire quarter, and he doesn't even remember the first half. The kid would have no way to understand the internal reference of time's passage that an older man has. 

That's the scary thing about time -- you don't have to be Einstein to see that it's a relative phenomenon. No wonder even the ancients tried to invent timepieces. No one could agree on how long anything took. 

"You said this would be over in a short time!"  
"It was! Wasn't it great?"
"It sucked! And it lasted for ... a very LONG time!"
"If only we had some means of knowing how long things took, we could see who's right."
"There's the passage of the sun."
"It's cloudy."
"Well -- I'm right and you're wrong and it lasted a WHOLE LOT of time!"

I was thinking about relativity recently, Einstein's little killjoy for universal exploration. Before he got all smarty-pants about the speed of light and everything, we could think that if we only could make something fast enough, we could get to other stars in no time. Then Albie is like, "Wait, there's a speed limit! No going past C." And we were like, "Oh, man! At that speed, the next galaxy is more than two million years away!" And he's like "Sorry, dude. Better pack a lunch."

But it gets worse. Now we know that time would pass differently for the people moving near that speed than for us on Earth, moving at Earth speed. What kind of craziness does that lead us to? It's why space-faring capitalist companies like in the Alien movies would never work. You'd launch from Earth as an employee of Earthy McEarth Enterprises (EME), and by the time you got to your destination, EME had merged, failed, the pieces bought up, a new company planned, created to fanfare with various funding rounds, had an IPO, got absorbed in an LBO, the main company failed, tried to get a government handout, crashed, and everyone is dead because the sun went nova. 

Don't be fooled by so-called Universal Time. It doesn't apply to the universe. Is it ever the same time all at the same time throughout the universe? If at my house it's Monday, August 15, 2033, 8:09:12 a.m., is it something different all over the place? I can't understand it. 

Well, one thing young and old can both agree on with time, and that's when it's something fun, it's over too soon. And that's true on whatever planet you happen to be on. 

Saturday, September 30, 2023

Little Pete.

I was thinking about Little Pete this week; I don't know why. 

He was a nice guy. Older, in his retirement. Little, as the nickname would indicate, maybe five five. Big glasses and slightly wild white hair. Loved his motorcycle. I used to see him occasionally down at the church group I sometimes attended, when my schedule permitted and he wasn't off somewhere exploring the roads of America. I didn't and don't even know his last name. Just one of those guys who was glad to see ya, and was glad to be seen. 

He got very involved in that group, as I recall, going from an occasional newbie to one of the leaders. He even chaired it at some point. I can say that I had been working in Manhattan when he was new, only seeing him on days off; when I was no longer in that job and was able to go more often, he was suddenly an important figure. It was like seeing a kid you hadn't seen in a while -- one day a toddler, next day doing long division. We seem to expect people to stay exactly as they are until we see them again, like toys we put away and then take out of the box years later. "My, how you've changed!" Well, of course, they did. So did we. 

Once again my work situation altered, and I didn't get down there much for a couple of years. The next time I saw him, he too had altered, unfortunately.

Little Pete didn't mind talking about the big black binder he was carrying. It was everything he needed to have with him for his cancer treatment. Test results, medications, appointments, insurance forms, Medicare forms, charts of diet and exercise. He was organized and determined. I don't know what he did before he retired, but if he brought that kind of organization and drive to his job, he must have been successful. He still had a smile, but it was a little more guarded, a little less likely to be seen through the glass of his spectacles. We all prayed for him, of course. 

Some months went by before I saw him again -- same place, same group, same black looseleaf binder. But I noticed, coming in late, that there was a pained look on his face, that there seemed to be a distance between himself and everyone else. They didn't want to cross to him, or know how to, and he seemed unable to connect to them, either. It was like he knew he was being ripped away from everyone, and no one knew what to do except to pretend it was not happening. He just clutched his now-thicker book tighter, like a totem that could make all this go away somehow -- a totem that he didn't believe in anymore, but one he grabbed because he had nothing left to grab. That was the last time I saw him.

Honestly, I don't know for sure what happened. I didn't know whom to ask -- so many members of that group moved away or otherwise left. I don't see any of the regulars anymore. I guess it's been ten years or so now. Maybe he had a miraculous bounce back with one of those new biologics, then moved to Florida to ride his bike all day, every day, summer to winter and back again. I hope so. 

Little Pete -- thanks for being a decent guy. I'm sorry I didn't get to become your friend. I'm sorry we're all so weird about sickness and death, like if we shy away from it, it will look us over. God bless you, wherever you are.   


Wednesday, July 19, 2023

Aaaahhh, freak out!


I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I come from a long line of worriers. They had a lot to worry them. Many fled poverty in Europe, working hard in America to be Americans, pushing back the fear of famine and freeze with every push of a mop or swing of a hammer. Fathers died too young, leaving their families in disarray and terror. The national economy tanked. World Wars broke out. Recessions, depressions, lost babies, feuds, failed businesses. Worry, worry, worry.

And people say, stop worrying. It's bad.

Okay! 

Actually, I agree that I should. When people say worrying is your mind pretending to solve a problem without actually doing anything, like expecting to walk to Pittsburgh on a treadmill, I say: Yep! When they say worry is worshipping the problem, I say: Right you are. When they say worry is just fear hiding just out of reach so you can't attack it with courage, I say: You betcha! When they say worry is a tool of the devil, I say: Amen!

And I still don't know how to stop worrying. 

Maybe the problem is that worry does feel like you're doing something. It certainly has one redeeming quality, in that it is motivational. Only an idiot wants to be the grasshopper
One fine day in winter some Ants were busy drying their store of corn, which had got rather damp during a long spell of rain. Presently up came a Grasshopper and begged them to spare her a few grains, "For," she said, "I'm simply starving." The Ants stopped work for a moment, though this was against their principles. "May we ask," said they, "what you were doing with yourself all last summer? Why didn't you collect a store of food for the winter?" "The fact is," replied the Grasshopper, "I was so busy singing that I hadn't the time." "If you spent the summer singing," replied the Ants, "you can't do better than spend the winter dancing." And they chuckled and went on with their work.

Aye, aye, Aesop. 

Also: Ants are jerks, but we all know that.

The problem is, worry has no internal stopping mechanism. Once you engage the worry, there's always something it can find to act upon. That's where I run into trouble. Everything may be looking rosy, but there's always some possibility you can dread, and if all else fails there's death and taxes. 

Alcohol used to be a good solution, but it ended up causing even more worries. So now I just have to find a healthier means of dealing with it.

When they say: If you're gonna worry, why pray? If you're gonna pray, why worry? And I say: 

Well, I say, you're right. But it'll always be like a second language to me, because my people were worrier kings from ancient times. 😨😱👑

Friday, January 13, 2023

Horrors of January.

The problem isn't walking the dog. The problem isn't even the cold. The problem is, it's freaking dark out there. 

I'm a morning person, have been since I became a grown-up. No matter how tired I am, or desperate I may be for a nap later, I gotta get up early. And if I'm up, puppy Izzy iz too. And then we have to go explore. Surfin' Sniffari! 

This time of year is the worst. Strange things lurk in the darkness of the morning. Weird, grunting beasts with no name, no language, no tongue known to man. Of course, I'm referring to the teenagers stumbling out of the house for the early bus. On our walks during the day, every kid up to age 13 wants to say hi to the dog, or just look at him; teenagers are surly and don't want anything to do with anything. Black hoodies up, faces shrouded in gloom, they slump off to the corner. 

In the dark, everything looks like a potential menace. Or perhaps something weird, or perverse. Like, I'm pretty sure I saw these shrubs in the original Wicker Man movie: 



What foul monsters lie behind these suburban doors?

Fortunately I have my trusty guard dog with me. He's very brave. Pretty brave. Well, not that brave. Kind of brave. He stood by me through it all, and then got scared of the garbage can back at our own house.

(Note: Unlike our late friend Nipper, Izzy is not scared of all garbage cans; in fact, I have no idea why he panicked that morning upon seeing our recycling bin and nearly took my hand off, bolting for the porch. What goes on in their heads? Anything? HELLLLLO!)

So, what's to do? Well, I comfort myself with the knowledge that the days are getting longer, 30 seconds or so at a time. And I remind myself that the stuff out there really isn't too scary. I always have a flashlight for such dark excursions to ward off bears and the like, and so far all has been well. 

In fact, none of that was really too scary at all, compared to what was waiting for me INSIDE THE HOUSE . . .

Later that morning . . .

When I opened . . .

. . . THE GAS BILL!!!!!!!

😱😱😱😱😱😱
AAIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!

Friday, September 9, 2022

Panic sandwich.

My wife and I react very differently to upsetting stimuli. If there's something worrisome happening, she loses sleep while I can barely stay awake. If an important decision must be made, her bowels turn to jelly while I seize up like sand mix. And if there's something really bad hitting, she can't eat, while all I can do is eat. 


Why are we like this? I have no idea. Her family is Irish straight up the potato tree, and she says that maybe when disaster struck, like an English invasion, they went into starvation mode because the English were going to burn the crops and take everything else. Me, I know I get my habits from my mom's side of the family, a real genetic mixed bag, including a lot of Jews. When the pogroms were looming, my ancestors probably ate everything in sight so they wouldn't have to carry it as they fled. 

This was on display yesterday as we received some worrisome news (more about that as it develops). My wife could barely choke down a cup o' Campbell's soup at lunch, whereas I wiped out a sandwich and sucked down tortilla chips like a tortilla-powered Humvee. 

According to the Yale School of Medicine

...while everyone feels stress at times, reactions to stress can be different for women and men.
     In general, women are more likely to think and talk about what is causing stress. Women also are more likely to reach out to others for support and seek to understand the sources of their stress.
     Men typically respond to stress using distraction. And men often engage in physical activities that can offer an escape from thinking about a stressful situation.

Does eating chips count as a physical activity?

I'm not actually sure the description is accurate for me and the men I know. I agree that women are more likely to talk about stress, I'm not sure they always want answers so much as to blow off steam. We're all like that. And just because a guy isn't talking about stress doesn't mean he's not thinking about it. He may be brooding from everything about maintaining ethics in a cold cosmos to the unfairness of life to the best way to punch someone in the nose and get away with it. You know, deep thoughts. 

And failing that, he might just tie one on. (So might the woman, but she's more likely to call it Girl Time.)

But I hadn't meant to make this a men-and-women-sure-are wacky blog entry; no matter whether you're male, female, or one of Baskin-Robbins' 31 genders, you undoubtedly have some unique combination of methods to deal with the inevitable stressors of life. 

Now, pardon me, as it's breakfast time, and I'm going to get a bowl of cereal big enough for Scrooge McDuck to swim around in. 

Sunday, June 12, 2022

Terror in the streets!

Longtime readers may recall that late Golden puppy Nipper had a pathological fear of garbage cans, so bad that I could not walk him on Tuesday or Friday mornings, when the garbage men were due. I could sometimes get away with it on "recycling" day, which was Wednesday -- those little box-like cans didn't set him off so much.

New Golden puppy Izzy, I'm glad to say, does not fear the garbage cans. He's wary of them, and I think that's fair; they're a lot taller than he is and they must put off the smell version of a KISS concert in terms of sensory overload. But he does not fear them.

However! Yesterday morning we encountered something on the street so terrifying, so horrible, that he recoiled in panic. I thought he might break free and run all the way home, if necessary dragging my bloody arm still attached to the leash. 

I got a picture of the item that scared him so badly. I include it below the break for informational purposes. If you are easily alarmed, I caution you, proceed only if you must. 

Monday, May 30, 2022

Valor.


Valor is a word one doesn't hear much anymore, not even in connection with those who have demonstrated it unquestionably. Funny thing, isn't it? 

Courage may be in short supply these days, but it isn't one of those virtues (like chastity or temperance) that have been diminished to ridicule in popular culture. What it has been diminished to is badassery. The badass is the kind of hero we celebrate now. 

"Well, Fred," you probably are not saying (because you're not a dummy), "the badass and the person of valor are both fearless in the face of opposition. Ain't no difference."

Oh, yes, my fine straw-filled person, there is a huge difference, as we shall see. 

Valor, according to Merriam-Webster, means "strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness : personal bravery." Badass, however, is defined as "ready to cause or get into trouble : MEAN," or "of formidable strength or skill." This is a world of difference, the difference between the men who manned up (yes, manned up, sue me) who stormed Omaha Beach and the Mary Sue of fiction, who is never really in danger because she's such a badass no one can lay a glove on her. Slay KA-WEEN!

The badass in modern nomenclature may not be mean, but definitely knows how to pick the right targets, generally those constrained by law or integrity from pulverizing them. The valiant, on the other hand, have little say in what targets they will strike, and many of them will be remembered today because the targets turned out to be unassailable. The badass, then, is little more than a kid putting on Hulk gloves and trying to beat up Daddy, while the valiant are able to steel themselves in the face of death itself.

But even more important than that, the badass is usually only fighting for his own interests. It’s always about one’s own glory, never about being part of something more important. To the badass, the self is the most important thing.

P.J. O'Rourke wrote:

I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club.

Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. He's always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and who's been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without the thought of quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.

And for that matter, the fallen heroes of America that we mourn today exist, while the badass, in all his or her movie and TV glory, does not. 

Monday, May 23, 2022

Off to the doc.

I have an early appointment for a checkup today -- you know, oil pressure, engine timing, etc. Should be routine, although I expect that my weight will still be the same, sadly (must be all those pancakes-in-a-cup), and I want to talk to the doctor about the anti-neuropathy pill I'm on to prevent back pain. It makes me sleepy, as I've noted here before, and that interferes with my workday.

Not a chance in hell I'd forget my appointment. I have gotten texts from two different sources, a robocall, an email, and an email to alert me to a message on my online medical account, all to remind me of this morning's appointment. 

"Hey, see y'all at eight tomorrow!"

"You got it, Mister Doctor! See you tomorrow night!"

"Tomorrow MORNING, dummy!"

Do people really forget to go to the doctor? Do they get busy and blow it off? Or do they just chicken out? I'm not counting last-minute accidents or emergency splenectomies or anything else that would require a reschedule the day of the appointment; let's assume that in truth those account for very few unanticipated cancellations. 

It was easy enough to forget a doctor's appointment in the pre-smartphone era. Even before I started getting the harassing messages from the doctor's office last week, I was getting them from my own phone, since I'd set the appointment in the calendar with various staggered reminders. Now it's impossible to forget.

So that leaves blowing it off (rude) or chickening out (🐔). I personally come from a long line of shower-uppers, people for whom being five minutes late is a mortal sin. When we say we'll be there, we'll be there, even if you don't want us to be. However, chickening out can happen to anyone. 

We can all have some trepidation about going to the doctor, that as fit and healthy as we feel he will find some horrible unexpected illness. ("It's the creeping crud... You have three weeks to live.") For some people it's worse than nerves. Iatrophobia is a powerful and unreasonable fear of doctors or medical tests. As someone with acrophobia, I know how overwhelming phobias can be. I would recommend that anyone who knows he or she has iatrophobia tell the medical personnel at the time of the appointment. They may be able to help.

Now: Off I go on my merry way, hoping the doc finds nothing new wrong with me. Barring traffic problems I will be there. It is the way of my people. Fear is natural; rudeness is not.

Saturday, April 2, 2022

Up, up, and argh!

A friend of mine lives in a condo complex near a big field where they occasionally host balloon festivals. Not the kind of balloon you tie to a kid's wrist, or the kind you bend into weird animal shapes, but the big hot-air kind that send you up in the sky in a little basket. 

I don't know that my friend has ever attended the festival, but he hasn't had to, since a couple of times the festival has attended him. Balloon landings in the street, in the backyard, in the development’s common areas -- and since these festivals start early in the morning on weekends, that can be quite a sight to wake up to.



When I was a kid I very much wanted to go for a ride in one of those balloons. Since my childhood I have learned a crucial fact about myself -- I am terrified of heights. I knew an ironworker who used to work on the antenna atop the Empire State Building, and just thinking of that makes me want to grab hold of something. If I'd gone to a festival with my folks as a kid with the plan to ride in a balloon gondola, I guarantee I would have chickened out.

🐔 young Fred

And, now that I know they often come back down in unplanned places, I don't think I am more likely to go up in one.

I guess my question to you is: Ever got up in a hot-air balloon? Was it scary, wonderful, both, neither? What's your balloon story?

Sunday, March 6, 2022

Spiders from Mars.

There we were, complaining about 2020, as if once we got through that stupid and miserable year everything would be better. Instead we got worse government, psychotic Russian warmongering, Canadian dictatorship (!), and now, gigantic parachuting spiders.

I get the feeling that this decade is going to suck pretty hard all the way to the end.

The spiders in question are the Joro spider, a brightly colored nightmare that comes to us from Asia, like so many bad and really weird things. According to the New York Post, from whence I borrowed the alarming photo below, "The massive Joro spider, an invasive species from Asia, has descended on southern states — particularly Georgia and South Carolina — and is now due to spread rapidly to Alabama, according to the University of Georgia’s Odum School of Ecology."


Surely such a huge bug would never survive our northern winters, right? That's for tropical places, the price they pay (along with cyclones) for gorgeous weather. But no, according to spiderologists: "The spiders were exposed to below-freezing temperatures for minutes at a time — about as long as they’d need to find a warm place to hide."

And what's this about parachuting?

"Indeed, bug-watchers have spotted the Joro using their webs as parachutes, transporting them by wind."

Uh-huh. 

I'm not a victim of arachnophobia, in that I am not panicked thinking about spiders or go into frozen terror looking at one. I know what phobias feel like, being inclined to acrophobia, and my feeling about giant spiders is not like that. However, I have a strong repulsion from giant spiders, and this one looks particularly bad. The Joro has a minor venom that isn't a real danger to humans, unless one has an allergic reaction.

I do not intend to let one of these bastards get close enough to me to find out.

Research scientist Andy Davis says, “People should try to learn to live with them. If they’re literally in your way, I can see taking a web down and moving them to the side, but they’re just going to be back next year.”

And I say: No. I say: I'm going to murder every one that I see. I say: These arachnid sons of bitches had better turn out to be a bigger bust than the murder hornets. And if not, I say: Nuke them from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. 

Thursday, April 8, 2021

We're doomed! Again!



Yesterday's cheerful headline in an e-mail from Medscape: 

Tsunami of Death and Disability to Follow Pandemic?


Betteridge's Law of Headlines says "Any headline that ends in a question mark can be answered by the word no." According to Wikipedia's article on the Law, "Phrasing headlines as questions is a tactic employed by newspapers that do not 'have the facts required to buttress the nut graph'." So let's see if Medscape's report can support this shocking implication. 

The article itself has a different header: "Post-COVID Wave Ahead of Death, Disability From Chronic Disease". But the first paragraph tells the tale:

As a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, the United States will likely face a tsunami of death and disability from common chronic diseases that will affect society for decades, Robert Califf, MD, former commissioner of the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA), writes in an article published today in Circulation.

Oh, bother. What chronic diseases?

Califf says the impending tsunami of chronic health conditions — with cardiometabolic diseases, including heart disease, obesity, hypertension, and type 2 diabetes at the crest — demands swift and comprehensive action.

Califf thinks an "Operation Warp Evidence" (cute, huh?) will be needed for "more real-time, in-depth tracking of chronic health conditions, akin to the rapid data dashboards that were quickly implemented and hugely successful in the tracking of COVID-19 cases, hospitalizations, and deaths." In other words, what will save us is the tracking of our fat, monitoring of our fat, and knowing who is fat. Because all the conditions in the "tsunami" come from sitting around the house and eating, adding to our personal spread while we were trying to stop the spread. 

Here's my favorite part:

The authors of an accompanying commentary note that the healthcare system has risen to the challenge of three simultaneous pandemics — COVID-19, economic disruption, and social injustice — even as many inherent fragilities have been exposed.

The "social injustice" pandemic is a self-serving lie that attempts to cover up the public health profession's complicity in encouraging morons to riot and burn last year. What else did they do for that "challenge" but make excuses for the damage in human suffering and property damage? Are we all social justiced up now, thanks to the healthcare system rising to the challenge?

Clowns like these authors are as packed full of self-regard as a jar is of jam. 

From a New York standpoint I can say they failed on every count, including "rapid data dashboards that were quickly implemented and hugely successful in the tracking of COVID-19 cases," because the information apparently wasn't used. If it had been, Chinese Death Virus patients would have been put on the hospital ship sent by Trump, and the field hospitals set up in Central Park and in the Javits Center, rather than stuffed into nursing homes to infect others. 

All we can gather from this is that nice sinecures will be procured with our money to track how fat and sick we're all getting, so our doctors (if we bother to go) can tell us to eat "veggies" and go for walks, like they always have, while many of us will nod and go back to our freaking Carl's Jr. Super Star with Cheese. Everything becomes kabuki theater after a while, doesn't it?

To their credit, a number of doctors in the comments section took issue with various parts of the report. It makes me think that there is a growing divide between the professional yappers in government medical services and the doctors who actually work with patients. If so, that's good -- because the only thing that will bring these useless tax suckers to heel is if their fellows reject and shame them. 

Sunday, March 14, 2021

Sprang ahead.

Pardon me, but I'm writing as if I'm under the influence of some substance. It is all about lack of sleep, though. 

Friday night we had wind gusts of up to 50 mph. Large dog Tralfaz is not afraid of thunder or fireworks, but strong winds freak him out. I stayed downstairs with him overnight to comfort him. That worked brilliantly. I slept about four and a half hours, not in a row. He was whimpering, whining, and wanted to go out a number of times. 

What made it worse was I had a meeting to attend Saturday morning at eight, and three projects for work in the afternoon. And on top of it all, I lost an hour of sleep Saturday night due to Springing Ahead for daylight savings time. I hate springing ahead.


When I was a young man about town, I could go on low sleep for a few days in a row with no major problems. Of course, some of the symptoms of sleep deprivation, like memory issues and trouble with thinking and concentration, were me as I was in college anyway, so the difference would have been hard to notice. Now it actually matters. 

So forgive me for being brief today, but I'm trying to avoid using my laptop as a pillow. 

When will we end the daylight savings time menace? I can't do anything about the wind, and I can't use narcotics on the dog, but there's no reason we should still be dealing with this spring ahead/fall behind nonsense. It's a relic from an earlier time, and I say it's spinach and the hell with it. 

Tuesday, November 10, 2020

House arrest.


An elderly friend of mine is going absolutely out of his mind. 

He has a wife with an advanced autoimmune disease, and she has begged him through this Chinese Death Virus crisis not to leave the house. 

They're getting the groceries and prescriptions delivered. A guy leaves them on the porch and they hustle them in like smugglers. 

That's all they see. Friends, family have to stay away. No nurses, no barbers, no trips to the doctor. She's deathly afraid, and so neither of them has gone farther than that porch since March.

And my friend is going batty. 

Our medical boffins at the CDC are aware of this situation. They know that people are missing necessary medical exams and procedures because of their fear of the Chinese COVID. On October 20, the agency reported, "Overall, an estimated 299,028 excess deaths occurred from late January through October 3, 2020, with 198,081 (66%) excess deaths attributed to COVID-19. The largest percentage increases were seen among adults aged 25–44 years and among Hispanic or Latino persons." 

So at that time 198,081 deaths were attributed to COVID-19, leaving 100,947 others that would not have statistically been expected to die but did. To what do they attribute these other deaths, a group larger than the population of Bend, Oregon, all by itself?

The study spends a lot more time breaking the data down by race (God, I am sick of race) and poverty and whatnot than giving us any conclusions, but they sort of blame "disruptions to health care," of which there were certainly plenty. The word "fear" doesn't appear in the study, but it should, as in "People who need health care to stay alive were paralyzed by FEAR by the endless media drumbeat and the horrible overestimates of deaths expected from this plague of indistinct origin, so they didn't go for help when they needed it and died." 

I certainly doubt that a statistically large segment of these excess deaths were caused by people driving like idiots because the traffic was so light last April. I know we've all been flying by the seat of our pants through this thing, CDC, but you have not covered yourselves in glory, though you act as if you have.

If my elderly friend and his wife or both die in that house of any cause other than the Wuhan Flu this winter, I'm blaming you, CDC.

One last note: I heard that His Fraudulency, the presumptive president-elect, was thinking of getting our governor, Sonny Corleone Cuomo, to be his Secretary of State. Well, that's nice. We'd be glad to be rid of him. And he'd fit right in. Cuomo already bent over for the Chinese at least once this year, trying to call the Chinese Death Virus the "European Virus," so he'll fit right in with the Biden administration's prostration toward the new Evil Empire. The only people Cuomo can be tough with are grandmas in nursing homes, to whom he sent infected people, like smallpox-coated blankets. 

Saturday, October 31, 2020

Peak 2020?

Well, here we are. Halloween at last. The horrors of the year are all concentrated on Halloween. 

But no! It's not just Halloween! There's a full moon tonight as well. 


Decorations showing witches and black cats aside, this is not very common. The next full moon on Halloween will occur in 2039

But wait! It's also a blue moon, meaning the second full moon this October. This also is not that common; the next blue moon will be August 2023. So all those things that happen once in a blue moon are on the way. 

But it's also the Hunter's Moon, because the last full moon was the Harvest Moon. It's also called the Blood Moon, because it's time to kill all the creatures fattening up for winter. And maybe, since it's on Halloween, humans too. Sounding more threatening yet?

But wait! There's more! It's a full moon on Halloween on a Saturday! How often does that happen? Not often -- I am told the next one is scheduled for 2172. Don't make plans. 

But wait! Again! We also have a mini-moon circling the Earth, which we picked up some time during this annus horribilis of 2020. They call it 2020 SO, as in "2020 I am SO sick of you." No doubt it will act as a force multiplier for whatever other bad juju is in the air. 

AND we're pushing the clocks back tonight as Daylight Savings ends, meaning whatever happens tonight, we'll get an extra hour of it. 

AND we have the Biggest Election EVAH in a couple of days that could mean the END OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. 

AND WE STILL HAVE CHINESE DEATH VIRUS AND STUPID RIOTERS HAUNTING OUR STREETS.

So, I think I'm going back to bed. See you in November. 

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Fred's Book Club: Ghosts.

Welcome to our Halloween edition of the Humpback Writers book feature! Even now there are no humpbacks or hunchbacks or anything of the kind, and it is a mean thing to call people who deal with the condition. But it is Hump Day, and the one before Halloween, so we have a spooky book for you. Probably the only spooky book that was published with an introduction by T.S. Eliot.


Charles Williams was one of the three most famous members of the Oxford Christian group known as the Inklings, the other two being J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis. Like those celebrated dons, Williams wrote fantastic fiction, fantastic in the sense of being otherworldly. While Tolkien created the most detailed fantasy world in history, and Lewis dabbled in fantasy for children and science fantasy for adults (among other things), Williams's stories were set in his current day England. He was also a poet, a playwright, a theologian, a biographer, a critic -- he did everything literate that a man may do with paper and pen. It is not surprising, then, that he was friends for twenty years with Eliot, a convert to Williams's Anglican church.

All Hallows' Eve was Williams's last novel before his untimely death in 1945. It is a ghost story, and unlike any other I have read. Here's the opener: 

She was standing on Westminster Bridge. It was twilight, but the City was no longer dark. The street lamps along the Embankment were still dimmed, but in the buildings shutters and blinds and curtains had been removed or left undrawn, and the lights were coming out there like the first faint stars above. Those lights were the peace. It was true that formal peace was not yet in being; all that had happened was that fighting had ceased. The enemy, as enemy, no longer existed and one more crisis of agony was done. Labor, intelligence, patience -- much need for these; and much certainty of boredom and suffering and misery, but no longer the sick vigils and daily despair. 

We're right at the end of the war, and she's is considering what will happen next, and where her husband Richard is. But what she (and we) will soon discover is that she is dead; the last thing she remembers is going down into the Tube. And that's only the beginning of her problems. The woman's name is Lester (I guess that was a woman's name in wartime London), and in the ghostly streets she soon encounters two other deceased women whom she knew in life, the chatty and annoying Evelyn and the woeful Betty, whom Lester and Evelyn had treated badly in school. And even this is still just the beginning of Lester's problems. 

Only a few people can be made aware, through brief contact, of the presence of the spectral women, including Lester's husband, and much more unsettling, a man named Simon Leclerc. Leclerc is a very bad man, and indeed Williams's books have no shortage of bad people engaged in bad acts. He is a necromancer, who uses Betty's ghost as a conduit to the spirit world, by which means he intends to amass power. It will be up to the ones who choose good to try to oppose Leclerc, if they can. 

Eliot's introduction discusses the book's central battle:

The conflict which is the theme of every one of Williams's novels, is not merely the conflict between good and bad men, in the usual sense. No one was less confined to conventional morality, in judging good and bad behavior, than Williams: his mortality is that of the Gospels. He sees the struggle between Good and Evil as carried on, more or less blindly, by men and women who are often only the instruments of higher or lower powers, but who always have the freedom to choose to which powers they will submit themselves. Simon, in this story, is a most austere ascetic, but he is evil; Evelyn is a woman who appears too insignificant, too petty in her faults, to be really "bad," but yet, just because she is no more than pettiness, she delivers herself willingly into the hand of evil.

Furthermore, Williams's writing on the experience of the supernatural is truly unique, as Eliot explains:

I have already tried to indicate the unity between the man and the work; and it follows that there is a unity between his works of very different kinds. Much of his work may appear to realize its form only imperfectly; but it is also true in a measure to say that Williams invented his own forms -- or to say that no form, if he had obeyed all its conventional laws, could have been satisfactory for what he wanted to say. What it is, essentially, that he had to say, comes near to defying definition. It was not simply a philosophy, a theology, or a set of ideas: it was primarily something imaginative.

This is true, and something I have seen time and again in Williams's work. Take this simple passage from All Hallows' Eve:
 
She made a third effort and again she heard from her own mouth only the flat voice of the dead. She was possessed by it. Death, it seemed, was not over; it had only just begun. She was dying further. She could not call; presently she would not be able to speak; then not to see -- neither the high stars nor the meaningless lights -- yet still, though meaningless, faintly metropolitan. But she would find even this pale light too much, and presently would creep away from it towards one of those great open entrances that loomed here and there, for inside she could hide from the light.

He writes as if he has experienced these things personally, like a man desperately trying to communicate this in all his books to those of us tied down with the mundane work of living -- a Lazarus "come from the dead, / Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all." His novels are characterized with these passages, some nearly impenetrable because they can be so hard to grasp -- because they grasp what to us is the ungraspable.

So I have to say I've never enjoyed Williams's books the way I've enjoyed others, because they are a lot of work, and even then I feel like I've never quite been able to tune him in. And yet it is rewarding. All Hallows' Eve has a remarkable spiritual struggle, unlike any I've seen in any other ghost story, even the (to me overpraised) Henry James novel The Turn of the Screw.

A Reader's Guide to Fantasy (by Searles, Meacham, and Franklin) sums Charles Williams up very well thus: "In his books he demonstrates a deep knowledge and understanding of traditional magical theories and implements, and invests them all with power as symbols of an absolute reality which underlies the manifest reality of the visible world."

Of Williams's books, I think War in Heaven is my favorite, mainly because it centers around the Holy Grail. The Greater Trumps is one of the more readable, and in spots terrifying. There is a scene in Many Dimensions regarding the Seal of Solomon that made me almost jump up in shock. And Descent into Hell is not only one of the scariest books I've ever read, but one of the most aptly titled books as well.

If you are prepared to work for your ghost story, All Hallows' Eve is as good as it gets. But Charles Williams is never light reading, although he can be enlightening reading.

Monday, August 10, 2020

Fear and loathing.

Today is August 10, and therefore it is Halloween again, right?

Must be. This picture was taken in the supermarket last Thursday.


Eek. Glow-in-the-dark monster toys inside Kinder Joy eggs. That doesn't sound too summery, does it?

Nope, we've clearly skipped the bulk of August and the totality of September and dropped right into Halloween country.

But maybe it's just candy, right? They have to make their money where they can, and summer's not a big candy time like Easter and Christmas. So they push the envelope a little, so what?

Oh yeah, strawman-who-is-probably-a-Halloween-scarecrow? This was in the supermarket Saturday:


So pumpkin spice has begun its annual sprinkle onto anything and everything. Pumpkin spice cereals, muffins, pancakes, deli meats, condoms, whatever. Like MacArthur, it has returned.

The year seemed to be dragging quite a bit until I saw this stuff. It still felt like March. Now suddenly it feels like it's going to be Christmas in no time, and we'll have endured a year of lockdown-drag-out fights over masks and money and the damned Chinese Death Virus. Instead of being stuck in time, I feel like it's been a huge waste of it. And that's unnerving. Because whatever you think about time, we each only have so much of it.

So that seemed pretty scary. And then I was on the highway, and New York scared me again:


Obey the sign? It's bad enough we have to obey Sonny "Evil-Eyes" Corleone in Albany; now we have to obey his inanimate objects as well? 

I know what they mean (speed limits were being enforced), but this is a haughty attitude, not appropriate for a supposedly free people. 

Man, everything's getting scary out there. 

Sunday, July 12, 2020

Sleeping in the fridge.

Regular readers (you delightful souls (everyone says so)) will know that I am being treated for terrible back pain with the SNRI antidepressant Cymbalta (duloxetine), which miraculously made the terrible pain go away. Of course, my back may be healing as well, but as I have not had an MRI since February, my current status has not been assessed.

But you regular readers also know I am obsessed with having a clean refrigerator. Not that I always keep it clean, but I often sit around and think about keeping it clean, which strangely does not automatically make it so.

Further, this cleanliness has been difficult, since my back started up last summer and continued until the winter crisis. No one else in the house is interested in doing the job, except the dogs, but they can just lick the inside and only about halfway up.

So yesterday I rolled up the ol' sleeves -- metaphorically; I was in short sleeves already, which would have hurt -- and got in there and got to it. I had picked up tips from expert Schar Ward, and from Mrs. Key fave Melissa Maker, but it looks like I have pretty much been doing a good and efficient job already. And, a couple of hours later, done!

It looks good. Plus, we set a new record for fewest condiments that had to get thrown away with four. It would have been two, the ones that expired, but the onion relish and the maple chipotle BBQ sauce were pretty bad and I finally gave up on finding a use for them.

How did I get motivated? It was that or work. I have a book sitting here that I'm supposed to edit, and it's not long or dull or bad, but it is focused on a subject that irritates me. So I told myself if I was not going to use my time to make money, I would have to use it to clean. Generally I am a creature motivated by fear, so sometimes I have to make deals to set priorities.

The problem is, as I mentioned before, the duloxetine makes me drowsy quite a bit -- two-naps-a-day type drowsy. I can usually fight off a nap with coffee, but following the fridge job I wanted two things very much: 1) a parade and 2) a second nap. And not in that order. Further, I often wake in the night and have trouble getting back to sleep.


I'll be talking with the doc later in the month to see if I should consider coming off the pills. Today I have exactly two things I need to do beyond my usual duties, neither of them difficult, but the idea of doing them makes me want to sleep now. I hope I can make it to the sofhkghjk