I hate vampires. I liked the original Dracula novel by Bram Stoker, because I found it to be thrilling and chilling, but I didn't find Drak or his undead brides to be anything but repulsive and terrifying. As they were meant to be.
Maybe it's me, but I've never bought the Sexy Vampire stuff. It's blamed on Lord Byron, but I wouldn't know; with apologies to my former English professors, I could never stand Byron. Maybe that's not a coincidence.
Here are some reasons not to buy into the pro-vampire lobby's nonsense. I may have covered this ground before, but it bears repeating:
1) They're dead.
Undead means dead but moving around. We're talking about animated corpses here, really just well-dressed zombies. And the clothes only come if there's a title involved, like "count" or "baron." The rest are probably just slobs.
2) They're soulless.
As animated corpses, the bodies may be moving but the soul is gone. So things we associate with the soul, like depth of feeling, ability to love, spiritual connection, and appreciation of James Brown are impossible for the vampire.
3) They cheat.
Don't be swayed by the Eastern European countenance; they have no honor. They'll hypnotize you if you give them a chance. If you start beating them in a fair fight, they'll turn into a bat and fly off. You need a soul to have ethics and a healthy rule of honor.
4) They're limited in what they can do.
That sunlight thing is a bummer. They'd need SPF 1 billion to counter it. Women who like hikes in the forest and long walks on the beach would be better off with a werewolf. Add also the aversion to crosses, the allergy to holy water, the weakness to silver, the mirror thing -- when the vampire is asking how he looks, he really has no idea.
5) But they still can whup your ass at will.
They're really strong and cunning, and they are great at psychological warfare. And, as noted above, if you get the upper hand, they'll just run away and sneak-attack later.
6) They don't love you; they see you as cattle.
You think they're all into you, but they only love you for your blood. When they say you're their type, they mean O neg.
7) There's something weird about the dentistry.
With a human shaped mouth, to get the canines to make two neat puncture wounds of the jugular, it seems to me that either the upper jaw must protrude like an orthodontist's freak show or the lower jaw must retract, making this demon lover look like Beaky Buzzard.
8) They probably stink and decay.
Dead, remember? There's not enough Orbit and Axe to cover up death.
I hope that puts paid at last to the sexy vampire thing, because really there's nothing sexy about th--
Uh... We may need to examine this new evidence, reassess these data...
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