On a kale of 1 to 10...

My wife was looking around for healthier snacks, and that's how this entered our home. 

Yes, here's a snack that ticks all the appropriate boxes:

🍴 USDA certified organic

🍴 Plant-based

🍴 Probiotic

🍴 Non-GMO

🍴 Air-dried

🍴 Gluten-free

🍴 Vegan

🍴 Pricey

🍴 Features the godawful word veggie on the label

One would expect that Brad has a story behind his journey, a plucky and inspirational tale of a guy with a dream and a handful of kale who made it to the big time. But there doesn't appear to be a Brad at Brad's. No Brad mentioned anywhere. The Web site says, "Our CEO, Arthur Pergament, was driven to a plant-based diet many years ago by a health emergency. After nine months on the regimen, his health was completely restored and he felt and looked better than ever. Today, Arthur’s on a mission to bring Brad’s Plant Based snacks to everyone looking to live a healthy life." 

But what is it? Basically it's fried kale with some koji spores to make it taste cheesy. I personally believe that the Collective Unconscious tells us that anything that tastes like cheese that is not cheese is suspicious, and that's something vegans have to suppress in themselves, but it's just a theory. 

I was surprised that my wife was willing to try this, as both of us have a strong aversion to kale. Like a lot of grumpy guys, it's a symbol to me of all that is lousy in progressivism, plus I dislike it, but she just can't stand it. 

We were forced to come to two conclusions about Brad's kale snacks, however:

1) They were not as bad as we expected. 

2) If a bag of this stuff had been found in my jacket in high school, I would have been suspended. 

Makes a bunch of nickel bags, and
has its own stay-fresh packet.

I think it's still pretty meh, and there's the fake cheese thing, but on the whole, it's edible. If principles or health problems lead you to this point, you can eat it. You may like it. However, I will point out that after our initial taste test earlier this week, no one has gone back to eat some more. 

By the way, if any of you from the Greater New York area are wondering if Arthur Pergament is connected to the once-mighty now-defunct Pergament Home Centers, a popular chain wiped out by Home Depot and Lowe's, the answer is: Yes. Arthur is the grandson of Louis, who founded the store in 1935; his dad Bob Pergament co-founded the store and ran it until they sold out in the mid-80's. Arthur became a Park Avenue hedge fund manager, and now he's making weird snacks for the kind of people who will never stop wearing masks in the stores. Funny where life can take you.