Inappropriate children's books.

Parents today are shocked about what their kids are being taught in school. Indeed, fights over what goes on in public schools and universities may be the most vital political ground of our day. Who'd have thought?

Me! I would have thought! Publishing professional that I am, I have seen this stuff for years in the books made for tots. It's not that difficult or adult themes are being discussed that bothers me -- after all, we must learn about the world and how it works -- it's that it's forced on younger and younger kids. Is that proper?

Why, it's worse than we even dreamed! Just look at these books and you tell me!  

This may have been the start, wherein -- as many suspected -- a new edition of the classic, Frog and Toad Are Special Friends, gave more than just a few hints about the Love That Dared Not Speak Its Name between two similar but distinct species. It just confuses children!

Is it really necessary for toddlers to learn dirty dancing at the paws of the big red dog in Learn to Twerk with Clifford? I say not! Let them learn it where nature intended, from TV!

Now, this here, Dad Is Drunk Again, is a major fail, and I think it's obvious why. Not only is Dad Berenstain Bear loaded for a bear, but in his barely (ha!) conscious state he is letting the cubs run amok. Is it okay to give the wee ones such a brutal lesson in substance abuse? Look at that drunken slob! For shame! 

The much-derided Caillou is not going to win any new fans with Caillou Tagz, except maybe in Antifa, and this is definitely not the age for such grim and disrespectful subject matter. Inside the book the little Frenchy git learns to write such playful phrases as ACAB and BURN IT ALL. What a disgrace.

Here again we have an updated version of a well-known book, now published as The Gay Tree. Clearly the publishers want small children to associate selfless love with sexual orientation, and I find the message muddled, off-base, and hopelessly inappropriate for this age group. Do better, publishers!

Absolutely the worst of the lot, Ernie and Bert's Throuple with guest appearance by Grover is a moral and educational disaster. We do not and ought not to try to explain adult behaviors of this kind to youngsters, but in these woke times, nothing is off the table. Not even the three characters, on page 6! Just say no!

It's a terrible commentary on our times, and we need action to protect our children. What kind of culture are we building? What kind of confused and scared children are we raising? 

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I feel I ought to point out that all of these are fake; this is just a satire, and please, no attorneys need contact me. It's a joke, folks. 

Or is it? Today's satire is tomorrow's news. You can barely keep ahead of it these days.