Sunday, February 13, 2022

All my heart.

I know it's Super Bowl Sunday, boys, but don't let yourself take your eye off the ball. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and you have to be ready for that tomorrow morning. Yes, the new 17-game football season has thrown everything off. Don't lose your grip, lads! You can do this! 

The thing to do is run out and get something. It doesn't have to be big. The supermarket should have flowers and chocolate-dipped strawberries. Just pretend you have to go out to get some more chips for the watch party tonight. That way it doesn't look like you haven't given Valentine's Day -- and by extension, your significant other -- a single thought. 

While you're at it, do not forget to get a card. Doesn't much matter which, as long as it's not directed to your kid or your mom or something. Just grab something with a heart on it and go. 



Do that before you swing to the grocery area for Velveeta and Ro*Tel. 

Look in the seasonal aisle as well for chocolate. The chocolate on the strawberries doesn't count. You want something with chocolate. Be warned that if your supermarket is like the one closest to my house, it has already moved on from Valentine's Day to Easter, leaving nothing for tomorrow but a few sad candy hearts and some kiddie klassroom kard packets. You might be tempted to grab some Reese's eggs or the like, but DON'T FALL INTO THAT TRAP. Anything Eastery is a dead giveaway that you went shopping at the last minute. Better to get her favorite candy bar at the register than something that says Easter. If you don't know what her favorite candy bar is, get something Godiva. Nowadays it's easier to find Godiva than Heath Bars.

The seasonal aisle may have some little gift bags left. Get one to put your stuff in. Tissue paper, too. Yeah, it's a whole big production number. Suck it up. And remember, Kleenex is not a substitute for tissue paper, especially not the kind with the lotion in it.

Okay, you should be safe now. Sneak it in the house, get it all together, and hide it someplace that you won't forget for tomorrow morning. I know it's all a bother, but remember, anyone who doesn't believe that little things mean a lot has never had an ingrown toenail. 


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