Sunday, May 29, 2016

And it can lead to Corn Pops.

We all remember the kid in Maryland who got in trouble for chewing a Pop-Tart in the shape of a gun and making the threatening statement, "Look, I made a gun." 

Courtesy of WBALTV. Artist's rendering. The actual gun may have been a different caliber. 
Well, that seven-year-old boy is ten now, and the Greater Baltimore area had better be aware -- he's not just a kid anymore.

In fact, my sources tell me his nibbling skills have gotten far more sophisticated. Far more dangerous.

Here is a typical cherry Pop-Tart:

And here is what this young man, with virtually no training, is now able to accomplish:

And that's just with his own teeth! What if he acquires access to other, perhaps weapons-grade teeth? Who knows what villainous pastry he might produce? What sort of tactical assault breakfast might follow? This is all George Bush's fault.


P.S.: Mr. Philbin accuses me of making fun of school shootings. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is difficult to imagine a more depraved, wicked, evil act.

I do make fun of overreaction, of lack of proportion, of school officials unable to use the common sense that God gave earthworms, and of our generalized hysteria. And of Pop-Tarts.

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