Saturday, January 23, 2016

Snow problem.

As we go to press, Washington is getting pounded by a virtually unprecedented avalanche of snow---could total more than two feet when done---leaving the nation stricken with hilarity. No, no, that's not right; the nation is in terror, hoping everyone there is okay, especially the people in charge of its Social Security payments, Medicare payments, Medicaid payments, SNAP payments, farm subsidy payments, etc. etc. etc.... 

As long as I get mine. We're thinking of making that our national slogan.

But we're all concerned that terrorists might attack while Washington is paralyzed by snow. In fact, we know that in the 1990 classic Die Hard 2, the terrorists' plot required Washington, D.C. to completely socked in by snow.

It's like this: When you see the movie, you realize that the carefully devised plot by the evildoers requires Dulles Airport to be in chaos from snowfall with dozens of planes in the air unable to land because of the weather. When the terrorists take over the air traffic control system, they have a bunch of planes circling and low on fuel, unable to head to other airports, a situation that would not occur unless Dulles were unexpectedly snowed in, which never happens.

Is help on the way? Maybe... if it weren't for the impenetrable snowstorm.

There are many technical mistakes in the film that would go over Joe Layman's head, but are detailed by the indispensable site Movie Mistakes. But while detailing the impossible (phony ignition requirements of jet fuel, for example), they ignore the preposterously improbable, like Dulles getting unexpectedly snowed in, which never happens.

Later in the movie, a bunch of bad guys make an escape on snowmobiles, which means they had massive amounts of snow-based equipment in place to carry out their plot---as soon as Dulles was unexpectedly snowed in, W.N.H.

I loved the movie, but the weather issue began to bother me shortly after I saw it, and it bothers me to this day.

Anyway, even if D.C. is buried completely in snow today, no one can say this wasn't expected. So listen, terrorists: Flights are being canceled. The planes are already being rerouted. The airports will be shut down. There's no target. Give it up.

And remember: We still have Bruce Willis.

Even SMOD fears Bruce Willis.

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