Thursday, April 20, 2017

Stays dangerous in milk.

As a fan of breakfast cereal from childhood, I would like to take a moment to discuss one of the strangest breakfast cereals ever devised. 

No, not Kaboom. I will not go into Kaboom in this forum, because Ace of Spades has done more to Kaboom cereal than I can ever do in a lifetime. 

And I'm not getting into the strange saga of Orange Quangaroos, which was originally a miner named Quake who fought an alien named Quisp, then Quake became a cowboy in a cape as new and improved Quake, then Quake got a spotted orange kangaroo, and it was orange-flavored cereal, and Quake went away, and someone was on drugs. 

No, I'm referring to another Quaker product, Mr. T brand cereal:

Mr. Breakfast, the genius site about that most important meal of the day, has this to say about Mr. T cereal, which was introduced in 1984 and de-introduced not long after:

Mr. T Cereal hit grocery stores in 1984, capitalizing on the success of actor/wrestler Laurence Tureaud's Mr. T Character. Mr. T had become recognizable to most Americans through his roles in Rocky III (1982) and The A-Team (1983-1987). His kid-friendly persona was strengthened though guest appearances on Silver Spoons (1982), Diff'rent Stokes (1983) and Alvin and the Chipmunks (1983).
Mr. T Cereal was a "Crispy Sweet Corn And Oats Cereal" that tasted somewhat similar to Cap'N Crunch. The cereal pieces were shaped like the letter "T". Commercials for the cereal used the catch-phrases, "Teaming up with Mr T. (Cereal)... It's cool" and "I pity the fool who don't eat my cereal". 

All this is fairly pedestrian, except that I want to note that prior to T showing up on family programming, he was considered a terrifying presence in pop culture. That was the point of Rocky III, to give the champ a determined, huge, mean, strong opponent who kicks the living crap out of him five ways to Sunday when Rocky dares show up without that old hunger. And T also kills Mickey. And yet two years later Mr. T has a breakfast cereal... and is rapping about how you should be nice to mom.

I never got to eat Mr. T cereal, to tell you the truth, but having been well acquainted with Cap'N Crunch I am certain I know exactly how it tasted. I'm just dazzled by the fact that the scary Mr. T was turned into a big teddy bear so fast.

It would be like Bane showing up two years after Dark Knight Rises with a cereal called BaneO's, a sugar-frosted oat cereal that stays crispy in milk. "Now is not the time for fear... of sogginess!"

That said, I like Mr. T myself. Why not? He's a Christian and he sincerely has tried to help kids of all races, creeds, and colors grow up to be responsible and caring people. I hope he made a million off the cereal. I'd eat a box now. Not, like, 33-year-old cereal, but a fresh nostalgia box?

I'd be a fool not to.

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