Thursday, April 13, 2017


Spring is lovely, is it not?

After struggling through the neighborhood with large dog Tralfaz all winter, is it refreshing to leave the house in the morning with the temperatures in the fifties or sixties and the sun already in the sky. Ah, spring!

Of course, spring has its downsides. One is the return of the gnats.

I hate gnats. They swarm. The get in your eyes, your ears, your nostrils. They're like really persistent bums, except you can't even buy them off with a dollar. They aren't very fast, but they stalk you, and they moment you stop, they come say hi again.

Longtime readers with ridiculously sharp memories will recall that I gave gnats a D when I graded the lawn bugs last year. I have seen no effort for improvement on their part since.

Bug repellent helps, but who thinks to put it on first thing in the morning? The stuff stinks and I don't want to sit around in it all day while I work as a laptop jockey. When I go to cut the grass, sure. But for an hour's walk followed by eight hours of sitting around? Naaah.

I always thought that the idea that horses had developed tails as a way to get rid of flies was just silly. Not since I got dogs and have been spending more time outside. The dogs' tails don't do a thing against insects, though. I don't know what they're for, really. Wagging, I guess. Cuteness.

Anyway, gnats are annoying and they don't even seem to get anything out of it. They're not stinging death bugs or bloodsucking freaks; they're just nuisances. It's all more proof that even at it's finest nature is imperfect and unworthy of human worship.

Tell that to your pantheistic nature-kissing sister-in-law at Easter dinner and let me know how it works out.

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