Good Friday is a depressing day by nature, but yesterday was lousy. Oh, the weather was terrific. I had two jobs on my desk and knocked one of them off in the morning. Yay money.
Then the ennui entered.
Spent an hour on project #2; could not motivate myself past that. Wasn't expecting any work-related calls or messages; seemed like all my clients had knocked off early. Maybe I will too.
Started to mope. Could've started on the yard work. Meh, neighbors outside -- jerks. Looking at them makes me sore. Writing project? No ideas. Laundry? Too noisy; wakes the sleeping dogs, and you know what they say about sleeping dogs. No, obviously the shroud of misery had descended on me.
I know doing something productive usually helps at times like these. I did bring that no-good Cuisinart pot to the UPS drop box to return it (because it's so much cheaper for everyone involved than sending me the tiny plastic piece that was missing). And when the dogs woke up I did allow myself to be hauled outside by my wife so we could frolic in the backyard. But all of it felt like I was like I was dragging around one of those big cartoon ball-and-chain sets.
There were other things I could have done that would have helped. I could have gone to church to sit for a little while. I could have cleaned the bathroom. I could have tried to do something good for someone -- there are usually opportunities like that around if you look for them. I could have taken a nap. Well, I actually did try to take a nap after I dozed off in the chair, but the moment I hit the sofa I woke up.
When you can't even nap right, you know you're having a session of depression.
And now we're in Holy Saturday, which is also unhappy. The Apostles are in hiding. Mary's lost her son. Everything has gone as wrong as it can, and there's barely any hope of escape the worst that is yet to come.
Am I identifying too much? Maybe. Not that I don't have some difficult things going on; who doesn't? But I know that tomorrow is Easter, when everything turns around; the Apostles et al. did not know that.
This morning I'm doing better than yesterday, but I still feel like a trapeze artist who's flung himself free of his swing, trusting that there will be someone on the other side to catch me.
Unsettled, unsure, and low.
I guess we'll see how it goes tomorrow....