Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Weird Monday.

Yesterday was a very odd day. I'm sure you're keen to find out why!

1) Dog was very fussy early in the morning. I took him out for Walk #1, to get some exercise and get that ol' poop going. We were barely off the block when he sniffed out something from a neighbor's lawn and ate it.

I thought it was a piece of wood or something, but he's at the age where he knows the difference between food and non-food. This thing, he was eating. We've taught him "Drop it!" but he decided I meant "Swallow it!" So back home we went and a time-out. I lectured him about eating things off lawns, how it killed the puppy of a friend of mine whose neighbor had put out rat poison, but he didn't listen. After that the poor night of sleep I got caught up with me, and we both conked out for a while.

2) Walk #2 followed the nap, and the weather being cool, was the best walk we'd had in a while. Following that, and the accompanying bowel movement (his, not mine), I settled down to work on a freelance project. I'd been working on this and others all weekend, though, so I was ahead of the game; with the nice weather I had an eye on the clock, planning to get out and cut the grass.

3) A Yankees fan I know was demonstrating on social media why people hate the Yankees. Really, I don't have much against the Yankees, but their fans are famously awful. You'd think the great record of success they've had in the last century would give them quiet confidence, but it's quite the opposite; it enables them to behave like drunken peckerheads even when the team is sucking like a Dyson, as now. (Fourth place in the AL East, 44-44.) So after hearing his comical online abuse of my beloved Mets for a while (second place in NL East, 47-41), I cut him off. I wouldn't dream of responding in kind. I'm above petty abuse. All I'd say is:

4) Finally got to the lawn, and realized the neighbors had company. On Monday afternoon?! Still, I felt compelled to cut the job short, and skip the backyard for the time being. But before I even got that far, my wife came out with the dog to announce that he had just vomited in the kitchen. So it was awesome all around. I kept him on the porch and out of trouble until all was clean inside. I could not resist telling him "I told you so" but he didn't listen.

5) Showered, went back to work on the freelance job, but I just didn't feel right. Maybe allergies. Anyway, I worked until after five, and then Nap #2 was enforced. It's hard to resist that temptation when you're sitting in your home with a comfy sofa in front of you.

6) The one time my wife got the dog out, while I was making dinner, they ran into a really large fox. We've spotted this beast before, broad daylight as now, and my wife was awakened months ago by a fox mating wail, which if you haven't heard it is something else. The fox took off toward the house where a family we barely know lives, and so I, burgers on the grill and sides in the oven, was dispatched to warn the dad, whose small children were outside. Having delivered the Fox News Alert, I returned in time to flip the burgers.

7) And after dinner our dog, who had been feeling ill most of the day and sleeping, was wide awake and bananas until ten p.m. Then we all fell over exhausted.

So that was my day, and it could certainly have been a lot worse, but it just felt wrong all around. I'm not going to even talk about the news; I can't remember the last time it didn't make me want to throw things---or throw up myself.

Tuesday is going to be a potpourri of what I couldn't finish Monday. Unless the dog finds breakfast on the lawn again, in which case it could be even worse than Monday.

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