Saturday, July 16, 2016

Dog in love?

[Names of other dogs in this story have been changed to protect---
me, from the wrath of their owners,]

I think my big giant dog, Tralfaz, may be in love, and I'm rather confused.

A new dog moved into the neighborhood, and brought her family with her.

Tralfaz is over the moon when he sees her. But there may be irreconcilable differences. The new dog, Phoebe, is a tiny white pup, about 18 pounds. My big boy is about 120 pounds.

Seriously, the equivalent would be a 100-pound woman dating a 700-pound man---a 700-pound man who is naturally supposed to be 700 pounds, not an unfortunate soul on a TLC program. Conversely, it would be like a 200-pound man dating a 30-pound woman.

Are we really sure that dogs are all the same species?

Tralfaz certainly seems to think so; he's in love with Phoebe. He'd take time with her over treats.

Just so you know, Tralfaz did have the little operation in his first year. Some people think it's cruel to fix a dog, but if you're never going to mate him, isn't that cruel?

(Besides, some people also would note that having your spheres removed is no bar to being in love, and point out long-married men as examples. These people are jerks.)

Phoebe seems to be quite fond of my fuzzy pal here, trotting up to him, tail wagging, giving little yips of joy. He does the whole front-down-tail-wag play position. It's like seeing an elephant crouch down to say hi to a chipmunk.

But Phoebe could wind up being like one of those hot women in an old picture who go into a small town and throw all the men in a tizzy. Up till now all the dogs Tralfaz has gotten to know best are boys. Grady across the street, Flash up the hill, old Dooley down the hill, Walker around the corner, the General and Bitsy on the next block. If Phoebe starts flirting with all these guys, there's bound to be jealousy, recriminations, badmouthing, and fights. What then?


Hey, Illumination! Could have the idea for a sequel to that little film of yours... drop me a line!

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