Friday, October 23, 2015

Weird Al will outlive us all.

Today is Weird Al Yankovic's birthday, and although he turns 56, he should rest assured that he will outlive us all.

And he's happy about it!

Why do I say that? Not because of his vegetarian diet, which came as a shock to me---this was the guy who once sang that he'd "rather have a Big Mac or a Jumbo Jack than all the bean sprouts in Japan." No, the vegetarian diet is no guarantee of burying your contemporaries and their children. I just say he'll outlive us all because he's well on his way to outliving everyone he's parodied.

Some of his biggest parody hits include "Eat It" and "Bad" (takeoffs of Michael Jackson), "Another One Rides the Bus" (Queen), "Living with a Hernia" (James Brown), "Six Words Long" (George Harrison), "My Bologna" (the Knack), and "Smells Like Nirvana" (Nirvana).

Look at Al's body count: Michael Jackson: Dead. Freddy Mercury: Deady dead. George Harrison: Zen dead. James Brown: Hardest working man in death. Doug Fieger: Also dead. Kurt Cobain: He's not only merely dead, he's really most sincerely dead.

If I were Madonna, I'd be nervous.

Now you may well say, "But Fred! Look at all the others he's parodied, everyone from Toni Basil to Lorde. They're not all dead! Some of their careers may be dead, but they're not!"

I say: Give it time.

And note the key bit of information---dead careers. Al marches on, from success to success, while those he parodies wind up on the skids or in the box.

Weird Al is a career vampire.

So if you're Coolio, or the Offspring, or Billy Ray Cyrus, or the Backstreet Boys, or Don McLean, or anyone else Weird Al has ripped off, beware. He'll either take your career or your life... or both.

And he does it with an accordion.

And that's why he's so WEIRD.

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