- Plays banjo like an angel
- Swift as the mighty oak
- Bakes like a ballerina
- Cold as Vanilla Ice
- Light as a balloon that has been filled up with light things, not a bunch of tiny pebbles like my cousin Mario once spent an entire afternoon doing when he was bored, because that would be heavy, not light
- Runs like diarrhea
- Small as something really small
- Fat as a pancake
- Tight as the seal on a CF8M (316), ISO 4144 standard stainless steel weld nipple
- Strong as a stink
- Hot as my spankin' hot Camaro, uh-huh, uh-huh
- Hairy as Grandpa Pete's nostrils
- French as a fry
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| Graceful as a bus station |
- Happy as a stapler
- Waves breaking like water
- Proud as a mini golf course
- Groovy as a hepcat, daddy-o
- Tidy as a toddler
- Fartin' like a boss
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