Friday, April 16, 2021

Bat cart!

You know, I enjoy my weekly run to the grocery store. I actually do. It is fulfilling in a primal way. I'm a hunter-gatherer, hunting for bargains, gathering the frozen scallops and the Nature Valley bars. Get a real satisfaction from stocking the fridge and the pantry. 

And yet, I too feel that the task is a little humdrum, a bit mundane. I wonder how other guys might accomplish the same thing in a more intriguing way. 

Other guys like... THE BATMAN!


As you can see, with the Bat Cart, Batman is prepared for any dangerous situation that may arise in the supermarket without looking conspicuous. And, as comic book readers know, trouble just seems to find our heroes, even in such anodyne situations. The Penguin's robbing Frozen Foods! Catwoman's in the Pet Needs! The Riddler is changing signs around! King Croc is in Seafood! Have no fear; the Caped Crusader is here. 

It ought to go without saying that James Bond's shopping cart, designed by Q, is identical in every way save the Bat Signal. Q did try installing an oil slick, but since the cart is pushed, it made Bond slip and fall. Cleanup in aisle 007! 

I certainly would enjoy playing with a cart like this, but I suspect that it would get me in trouble quickly. The knockout darts would definitely be used if the dude in front of me had, say, 20 items in the 12-or-less line. Someone blocks the aisle? Bat-tering ram. And then I'd want to drive it home, which would probably play hell with my glass spaghetti sauce jars in pothole season. Great Rao

I'd better leave the souped-up carts to the experts. At this point in life I'm just glad to have one with four wheels that can be cajoled to move forward at the same time. 

3 comments:

peacelovewoodstock said...

Many grocery stores in our area now offer two sizes of carts; the traditional size, and a smaller, lighter, sportier, more maneuverable size.

Naturally I choose the sports cart, regardless of how much is on the list.

Unfortunately, the percent of carts that have at least one wheel that vibrates and squeaks annoyingly is constant across cart sizes, and high; well over 50%.

I have turned my instinctive annoyance at getting one of those into a positive thing! "Have no fear, Covid Karens, I have the cart with early warning, no worries that I might somehow stealthily creep to within six feet of your presence!"

FredKey said...

Heh heh -- sports cart

If the squeak comes from a front tire you can still pop a wheelie and sneak up on people if need be.

Fiendish Man said...

My firstborn used to work in a supermarket. When I would pick her up at work, I would point out all of the grocery items that had been misplaced by shoppers (or tricksters). Somehow we joked that it was the work of the Clown Prince of Crime. Not sure how that started, but we thought it was funny.

Also, I used to wirk with a girl named Rao. Great Krypton!