Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Get a Clue.



Miss Marple: "Oh, my word, one doesn't often see terrible things like poor Mr. Boddy in such dreadful condition, does one? My word no, no one even seems to know whether the poor gentleman was shot, stabbed, or bludgeoned, or what all. Well, naturally one ought to suspect that nice Miss Scarlet. Oh, dear, yes, it is clear that she and Mr. Boddy were more than just friends, you see. These things do sometimes end poorly. But I wonder if she was in the library at the time? Have you noticed the many candlesticks in there? Quite a few for an electrified manor in a room full of valuable and delicate manuscripts, don't you think?"

Sam Spade: "I don't like that Green guy, and that White lady looks a little too rattled for my money. Something is going on there, but no one's talking. But it's that Plum that looks the most shady. What's he doing in the kitchen all the time? Looking for something? I need to find out what room he's in. I'm sure he's got some connection to the university scandal. He'd probably fold like a cheap suitcase, but I don't want to get into the rough stuff yet. And what was that White lady saying about a missing monkey wrench?"

Sherlock Holmes: "Now look, Watson, we must be careful none of the suspects leaves these premises. I've noted when Miss Peacock arrived in her traveling suit the faint outline of a bicycle clip still in her trouser leg. Indeed, she has some small Tribulus terrestris burrs on her tweed jacket, which would indicate recent travel by that means somewhere far from this location. What I shall do is locate the bicycle and remove the air from its tires. Meanwhile, I request you locate Colonel Mustard and engage him in conversation. He claims service in the Afghan, but I'm certain you can determine if this is true from your own experience in that hostile land. I last saw him in the billiards room, examining the revolvers on the wall. Perhaps you ought to carry your own."

Father Brown: "A man enters a room and no one goes in; the man never exits alive. A very wicked entity has entered this manor, and that entity is devious and diabolical; more so as he or she is desperate. Boddy certainly fit the description himself, as no doubt the police will discover now, but where is the weapon that brought him to his earthly end? A pipe is missing from the kitchen; but more telling is that the wrench that sent it missing is itself missing. This manor is like the man who owned it, shifting and mysterious; but the hall is the least likely place for a wrench or a loose pipe, and I propose that these items then must be found there if either or both were used."

Nero Wolfe: "I do not wish to be involved in this case, and yet it appears once again I have no choice. I should never have left West 35th Street. Archie, you must get your mind off the Scarlet woman and focus on Green. Find his room and see what he has. There was a man named Chartreuse involved in the Founders Bank scandal who disappeared with fifty thousand dollars. As I recall, he matched Green's description. Meanwhile, I shall see what our Professor Plum finds so interesting in the kitchen. No, I am not simply looking for food! What? Plum is in the study now? How did he get there without our seeing him?'

Hercule Poirot: "You see, 'astings, 'ow Mme. Peacock smokes ze cigarette weeth no 'older? I suspect she eez not as 'ow you say 'upper crusty' as she would like one to think, n'est pas? And yet I do not think this make 'er our suspect. Use ze little grey cells, 'astings! M. Boddy, 'e make no noise when 'e is killed, oui? No gunshot is 'eard. No smash, no blood, eh? Ze rope, 'astings! We must find ze rope and see who could have used it to strange our 'ost. Quickly, to ze ballroom!"

Dr. Gideon Fell: "Archons of Athens! What seems to be overlooked in this case, and I do not think it presumptuous of me to say, is that Boddy was found in a room which was locked from the inside, the windows in the same condition. I have on many occasions disproved the idea that one can successfully escape up the chimney in such instances, so how did the killer escape, hm? Once we know that, and find the knife that has gone missing, we shall know the killer."

Little Stiiv (age 10): "It was Colonel Mustard in the Lounge with the Wrench."

All others (looking at cards): "Crap!"

2 comments:

Stiiv said...

I love messing with those guys.

FredKey said...

Your own personal kobayashi maru?