Cleanliness court.

Mr. Key, please tell the court what you were doing last weekend, about which you were bragging to your friends.

Well, your honor, I would hardly call it bragging; I merely mentioned that, last Saturday, with grim determination and no thought of the danger to my own personal person, I cleaned the refrigerator. And freezer! And I even vacuumed the coils. 

You sound pretty proud.

No, no, sir, not at all, although it was a good job of it. Lots of dog hair on those coils. And some even in the fridge interior! Uh, could we strike that from the transcript?

No. Now, we have called you today to ask some questions about this effort of yours. You understand that Cleanliness Court is very interested in people performing such public acts of cleaning.

Oh, sure. Maybe I can share some tips with you. Fire away!

When did you purchase this refrigerator, Mr. Key?

Um... Let's see... I think it was the end of November. 

November of what year?

Uh... November 2017. So, a year and four months ago. 

And how many times would you say you have made a thorough cleaning of this appliance?

Oh! Well, I have to say, yes, uh, that is, I have cleaned it many times.

Many?

Yes, that, uh, is if you, uh, count, you know, uh, dusting the top.

So, Mr. Key, we are free to presume that this is the first time in 16 months that the interior of the appliance has been cleaned with anything approaching rigor or thoroughness. 

Uuuuuhhhh............................. yah.

Now, is it not true that you work in medical copy sometimes, and thus are familiar with the general recommendation from home health experts and appliance manufacturers that refrigerators be cleaned at least quarterly, and if contaminated with spoiled or recalled food, be decontaminated immediately?

mumble mumble

Please repeat the answer with clarity. 

I said yeah, I know, but --

And haven't you on at least two occasions sung paeans to the importance of refrigerator cleaning on that silly blog of yours?

You read my blog?

Let's face it, Mr. Key. You have missed five quarterly cleanings since this refrigerator came into your possession. It's amazing you're still alive.

But... but it looked so clean.

You're going to get a warning this time, but we will be looking into this again in July. See that your refrigerator is clean -- including the butter dish -- and the freezer and ice maker as well. 

mumble mumble rub the whole thing down with raw pork you geezer

Speak up, Mr. Key!

Yes, your honor.

Now, about your dishwasher....