Saturday, July 26, 2014

Condiment shaming.

Cleaning the fridge is scary. You never know exactly what you're going to find in there.

It wasn't so bad this time, even though it's been over a year since the last Kolossal Kenmore Klean. (Shh---don't tell anyone, K?) Not that there are not spot cleanings of milk carton grundge or inadvertently released au jus. But the whole pull-everything-out-and-scrub-each-part-including-lightbulbs cleaning is more rare and much more time consuming.

Some cleanings of the past have yielded mystery leftovers, expired Pizza Rolls, and a dozen crusty bottles of unloved marinades, salad dressings, mustards, and other condiments.

It's the expired condiments that bring the most shame. I think of meals that ranged from vague disappointment to massive gustatory bust. This time it wasn't so bad---just one bottle of rice vinegar that hit the wall in 2013. I can't even remember what I bought it for. I guess it wasn't that awesome.

There was a bottle of wine that seemed to have mystically turned into vinegar, and to be fair I did pitch an old honey mustard a week or so before the job. I think I'm over honey mustard. Not sure how that happened. There was a honey mustard pork loin that was less than inspired; could have been that.

I hate to waste food, but I hate vomiting and diarrhea, so expired food has to go. Usually it is only condiments, which are not really food in that you can't just eat them and call it a meal, unless you're adrift in a lifeboat and that's all you have, and being a devil-may-care type you make a big production number out of your bottle of barbecue sauce for the other survivors, hoping to distract them from measuring one another up to figure who should be eaten first.

Anyway, the fridge is clean now. And don't worry about the little green mold guy. I put him in the fridge of a bachelor pal, where he will never have to worry about it being cleaned.

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